


Duel of Consequence

by geekgarbagehq



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: "flashbacks", Ben Solo backstory, F/M, Post TLJ, Slow Burn, angsty lovable idiots need to learn that honesty is the best policy, bringing together unlikely loners to save the galaxy, war what is it good for...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-10-20 01:54:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekgarbagehq/pseuds/geekgarbagehq
Summary: “When you needed family most, we sent you off. We didn’t listen, we didn’t give you love. How could we have expected anything else? We’re your family, we should have understood.”“And you didn’t.” Kylo’s brows furrowed, and his breath quickened. The rage of his abandonment building inside him. “I was a pawn in Leia’s game, and it was killing me. Snoke used my talents for something greater.”“Snoke is dead. You killed him, Ben. You don’t have to believe his lies anymore.”“Snoke gave me purpose.” Kylo turned away, facing the window and gestured to his capital. “I have a place in this galaxy that means more than anything Leia Organa could have given me.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fan fiction, and I am so excited to be posting it! I've been working on this for quite some time, and I am very happy with where this story is going. this story takes place post TLJ, but also includes scenes from Ben's adolescence. Structurally I was inspired by the way Vonnegut novels mess with time. The title is inspired by a line from Bardelys the Magnificent by Rafael Sabatini 
> 
> I'm excited to keep posting, and I would love to hear from anyone reading! You can comment here, or check out my tumblr [geekgarbagehq](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/)

**Vodran, 36 ABY**

**Two standard years after the Battle of Crait**

 

The Resistance was finally going back on the offensive. The _Holdo_ was hanging out in space above Vodran, attack preparations being finalized. A key planet in the supply line of the First Order, Vodran was the perfect place for the Resistance to stage a comeback.

Rey stood in the hanger among the dozens of new troops the Resistance had recruited to the cause over the last two years. Though Rey was the same age as most of them, looking at their excited faces made Rey feel ancient. They hadn’t experienced battle yet, to them it must have seemed like a great adventure they were about to embark on. No trace of excitement could be found on Rey’s face today. She had confronted the reality of war after the Battle of Crait. So many lives lost that day…

“Red squadron, you’re going in head on to distract the guards.” Poe Dameron bellowed orders from the front of the hangar. Rey thought leadership suited him, his bravado inspirational. Yet, the bags under his eyes betrayed his effortless confidence. She couldn’t imagine the stress he was under. “Blue squadron, you’re landing transports at the back of the facility to liberate the workers. Yellow squadron,” He looked at Rey, “you’re going into the facility, and placing the bombs.”

Rey resented being the leader of yellow squadron. The color reminded her of Jakku, and it’s blistering hot yellow sun. She would have preferred green squadron, like the lush forest on Takodana, but it would have been a silly fight to pick. Besides, blowing up the synthprotein manufacturing plant used to feed the stormtroopers was pretty good consolation.

Poe clapped his hands, “Alright, let’s do this.” His eyes flicked to Rey, “And may the force be with you.”

Everyone in the room moved toward their transports, but Rey took a moment. She breathed in deeply, silently meditating on the lives that may be lost on their mission. Rey hoped the number would be small.

Since the Battle of Crait, the Resistance had been laying low. Often during that time Rey longed to fight against the First Order, but the Resistance needed time to rebuild their numbers. Rey was conflicted about returning to battle. The inevitable loss of so many bright-eyed young troops weighed heavily on her. Yet, blood pulsed through her veins, anticipating the thrill of fighting once more.

Rey exhaled letting go of her doubts and inhaled once more, her resolve returning. She was ready. Once most of the soldiers had filed out, Rey opened her eyes. She saw that Poe was watching her intently. He stepped toward her, “Having second thoughts?”

Rey blushed, feeling exposed, “No, I just needed a moment to center myself.”

“You’ve got a lot of people counting on you.” Poe raised his eyebrows with concern. Rey noticed his skin was paler. Leadership was indeed taking its toll.

“So do you.” Rey turned and walked away confidently. She was prepared for this battle now. She had been waiting for the moment the Resistance was back in the game and it was finally here. Rey felt like she could take on the whole First Order herself. Although, her heart still panged for one member of the First Order in particular…

Rey blinked rapidly to banish the image of _him_ from her mind as she loaded onto a transport. The last person she wanted to think about was Kylo Ren. Yet, so much of her time was occupied with thoughts of him these days.

She looked around at her squad and smiled. Finn and Rose were talking in hushed tones at the rear of the transport. His eyes were always filled with awe when he looked at her. Their relationship made Rey happy, they deserved each other.

The fourth member of Rey’s squad was a fellow force sensitive, Nomi Amon. In-between running supplies with the Millenium Falcon, Rey was tasked with tracking down and training with other force sensitives. Nomi was a Twi’lek a few years younger than Rey, her skin a bright orange with a smattering of large red circles. Her lekku were long, so she wore a protective head covering to keep them in place. It was a small troop, meant for quick movement through the facility. Besides, if things went badly, it was fewer lives lost.

Rey watched the transport of Red squadron take off. Her eyes lingered on the faces she could make out, knowing that it would be the last time she would see some of them. They were the first ones in and would suffer the most losses. The wait for Rey’s transport to take off was agonizing, her heart was pounding in her chest. Finally, she heard Poe give the go ahead over the comm. The transport took off, and she focused on her breathing as they entered Vodran airspace.

Suddenly, Rey felt a jolt of erratic energy. “ _Kriff_ ,” she whispered under her breath, then raised her communicator to her lips “Commander Dameron, this mission just got a little more complicated.”

Rey’s comm crackled to life, “What’s wrong yellow leader?”

“Kylo Ren is here.”

 

Rey heard Poe instructing the transport pilot to speed up. Then her comm crackled back to life, “Get in there as fast as you can, Rey.”

Her heart was pounding now, and her eyes moistened. She was going to have to fight Kylo Ren, _Ben._ Rey was not prepared for this. Finn must have caught sight of her cheeks turning red, because he tore himself away from Rose, and came over to Rey.

“Rey, what’s going on?” Finn searched her eyes, trying to maintain his composure.

Rey closed her eyes, and then cleared her throat. She had the attention of her whole squadron now, “Kylo Ren is down there, in that building, I can feel it. I’m going to go in and fight him. Distract him, for as long as I can. The rest of you need to get in there and place the bombs quickly.”

“I can help you, Rey.” Nomi looked up at her, eyes filled with passion. She didn’t fear Kylo Ren. _She should,_ Rey thought.

“No,” Rey barked, “I can hold him off for a while.”

Rey expected to see fear in the faces of her squadron who had just been informed Kylo Ren, a tyrant responsible for so much suffering across the galaxy, was in the facility they were attacking. Instead, her squad looked at her with trust and confidence. She didn’t deserve these people. The galaxy was better for them being in it.

The transport touched down on the ground, and the hatch opened. They were tucked under cover of thick jungle. Rey took a few tentative steps onto the swampy terrain. Aside from the sounds of bugs and birds, it was quiet. Poe had held the Red squad back given their new information. Rey reached down to her belt and grabbed the communicator, she whispered, “Poe, I’ve landed. Send in Red squad.”

She waved out the rest of her team, and quietly issued instructions, “I’m going around this side, you go around the other side. I think I can attract Kylo Ren this way. Once you’ve covered that side, I need someone to give me a signal. Then I’ll lure him to the other side.”

Finn stood up straight and nodded his head, “Yes, sir”

Then he led Nomi and Rose to the other side of the facility. Rey walked to the door as gently as she could given the swampy mud suctioning her feet to the ground. Surely Kylo had felt her force signature by now, he had to be headed this way. She peaked into the door, there were two stormtroopers standing guard at the end of the hallway. Rey took a steadying breath and straightened up. She walked through the door, feigning confidence. As she approached the two stormtroopers she held up her hand, “You will go to the front of the building.”

There was a moment of silence, then the stormtroopers repeated in unison, “We will go to the front of the building.”

They started to walk away, and then Rey shouted, “Wait!” They turned, “Tell no one I was here.”

“Tell no one you were here.” They dutifully walked off. A loud siren sounded. Rey heard a disturbance, other stormtroopers were rushing toward the front of the building. Red squadron had begun their assault.

Rey hid against the wall until the sound of stormtrooper boots ceased. Not all the stormtroopers would have gone outside, but the majority did. Rey closed her eyes and focused on the energy she felt from Kylo. He was moving in her direction. She slunk down the hallway, searching for a favorable place to stage their battle.

There was a large wire grate covering the entrance to a massive room. Inside the room were large vats, conveyer belts, and storage bins. It was the factory floor. Huddled on the floor were the Vodran slaves working in the factory, terrified and confused by the sirens. They looked thin and sickly. There was an almost rancid smell that overwhelmed Rey’s senses. She inhaled through her mouth, then lifted her hands up. The gate opened upwards, the Vodrans looked up at her astonished.

Rey lifted her index finger to her lips, then waved a hand, “Go, now. We have transports waiting for you at the back.”

The Vodrans looked around at each other, deciding what to do. The majority got up from the floor and fled the area. Rey entered the room. The remaining Vodrans looked at her apologetically. An older female Vodran looked at Rey, and said weakly, “This is our home, we cannot leave.”

Rey exhaled, “I respect that. Boarding the transport is the only way I can ensure your safety. Flee the area, but otherwise I cannot guarantee they will not enslave you again.”

Just as Rey finished speaking, she heard a loud crackling behind her. Kylo had engaged his lightsaber. The Vodrans’ eyes went wide with fear. Rey shouted out, “Go! He doesn’t want you, he wants me! Run!”

The Vodrans ran, and as Rey suspected, Kylo did not attack them. His eyes remained fixed on Rey. She suddenly felt cold with fear, a thin layer of sweat coating her skin. Kylo’s nostrils flared, “Of course you have something to do with this.”

 

Kylo was on Vodran to tour a new facility that made processing synthprotein more efficient. Little did he know, today he would end up face to face with the First Order’s most wanted criminal. He had not seen her in two years, the force had cruelly not connected them since Kylo’s ascension to Supreme Leader. Staring in her eyes brought back all the pain he felt the day she rejected him. The dark side of the force was pulsing within him.

Rey ignited her lightsaber. A new one, Kylo noted, of her own creation. Her supple skin was glistening in its yellow light. She raised a taunting eyebrow, “Did you think we’d just go away?”

Kylo tightened his grip on his lightsaber, which was flaring erratically by his right side. He growled, “I thought you might have gained some sense.”

Kylo thrust his left hand up, pulling Rey toward him. He raised his lightsaber and slashed at her side. She met his lightsaber from underhand shoving his arm back. Kylo sidestepped Rey’s lunge aimed at his middle. He pushed his lightsaber down toward her back, but she caught his blade with hers moments before impact.

Kylo inhaled deeply, then purred “Am I a masochist if I say I missed this?”

“If you are,” Rey grinned, “then I am too.”

Kylo’s energy surged. When they’d fought against each other in the forest, he’d already been wounded, and broken down. Fighting together on the _Finalizer_ his power was split fighting off several assailants. Today Rey would see Kylo at his full strength, with his efforts focused on one assailant. He felt electric as they continued fighting in equal measure, matching each other’s slices one after another.

Rey was slowing down though; her advantage of speed was wearing away. Kylo’s eyes narrowed, he had pictured striking an ending blow at Rey for quite some time. Yet, he never imagined the day would actually come.

Rey was now making evasive maneuvers, attempting to injure Kylo in order to weaken him, rather than going for the kill. Kylo was meeting her blade effortlessly. Their blades meet and she pushed off giving some space between them. She held the lightsaber horizontally in front of her with her right hand, then placed her left on the bottom. Another yellow stream of light emerged from the hilt. Kylo raised an eyebrow, _so the scavenger made a staff._

Rey spun her double blades around with a flourish, then charged at Kylo. He didn’t evade her attack, he met her head on, and their sabers clashed in a bright burst of light. Kylo grunted in frustration, and Rey let out a savage scream. Rey tilted the other side of her saber toward Kylo’s hip, but he swerved out of the way. He countered with a slash toward Rey’s back. She blocked his blade, pushed it away, then arced her blade down to hit Kylo’s stomach, but he flicked the jab away with his saber.

Rey turned to face Kylo, but before she could launch another attack Kylo drew a heavy slice down toward Rey, which she barely managed to catch. Kylo beared down with his blade, so that she could not easily pull hers away. Then he pushed with more might, causing Rey to lose her grip. Her lightsaber flunge across the room and Rey was left defenseless.

Rey’s watery eyes met Kylo’s gaze. She dropped to her knees, Kylo pointing his lightsaber at her. Kylo’s heart was racing, he had been waiting for this moment for so long. Though, he couldn’t help but feel bittersweet. They were connected deeply.

Rey lowered her head, and uttered solemnly, “Just make it quick.”

The dark energy in Kylo waned, and behind it he felt shame. He extinguished his lightsaber. Rey looked up at him, her tears had welled over onto her cheeks. Her face scrunched up, “What are you doing?”

Kylo looked away from her, “Just get out of here.”

Rey stood reaching up to his cheek and pulled his face back. Her hand on Kylo’s cheek felt electric. This gentle touch was foreign to him, yet it soothed Kylo. He could feel the hum of light in Rey’s energy getting stronger. Rey’s eyes were wide as Kylo’s gaze meet them, she whispered, “Thank you.”

Kylo raised his gloved hand up to meet hers, holding it on his cheek for a moment. He regretted not removing his glove, yearning for her touch, her warmth on his bare skin. She grasped his hand, and their hands dropped, hanging between them. They continued to stare into each other’s eyes, searching for answers. Rey and Kylo held on until Rey’s comm crackled to life, “Rey, lure Ren to the other side, we’re all set over here.”

Kylo’s mouth made a hard line. He suspected as much, his suspicion that she was a distraction was true. Rey released Kylo’s hand, and reached her wrist comm to her mouth, “Finn, we need to get out of here, we can’t place the rest of the bombs.”

Once again Rey reached up to Kylo’s cheek, another tear rolling down hers, “Goodbye.”

She lowered her hand and force pulled her lightsaber to her. She turned away from Kylo and holstered her lightsaber on her belt. When she was at the doorway, Kylo softly said, “Until we meet again,  _scavenger_.”

 

**Wild Space, 36 ABY**

A light snore emanated through the halls of a light freighter delicately parked in the mountains. The snore emerged from the throat of a young woman whose hair, a dark brown tangled mess covering most of her face, rustled with each exhale. Her sleep was deep, she hadn’t had a good rest in a long while. That was the nature of life on the run. This sleep was so deep she wasn’t roused by the alarms blaring throughout her ship.

“Ma’am, we’ve been approached by an x-wing! The pilot is attempting to make contact!” A rusty old droid shouted from the cockpit.

She wasn’t roused. Her mouth twitched into a smile, she was dreaming pleasantly.

The droid made its way down the hall and to her doorway, and pleaded, “Ma’am please wake up! We could be in trouble!”

Her eye twitched open, and she turned. She grabbed a pillow, launching it into the air and landing it on its target. The face of the droid.

“Ma’am! We have precious cargo aboard. You must accept the communique or we will be implicated.”

“Fine.” The response was barely audible, but she rolled out of bed, sweeping her hair out of her face at the same time. As she made her way to the cockpit suddenly her pulse quickened. She had thought she would be safe for a day or two, but she couldn’t have been asleep in her hiding spot more than four hours. Was this the end of the road? Had they finally found her? Before she could really twist her mind up with the possibility, she pushed a button to accept the communique.

“This is Commander Poe Dameron, requesting to speak to passenger Leeta Thane.” The metallic voice emerged from a speaker on the control panel.

Leeta raised an eyebrow, “I resent that.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m not a passenger, I’m the pilot”

There was an empty silence, then the voice came back “Well, I suppose I’m speaking to Ms. Thane then.”

“It depends why you want to speak to her.”

“I have an urgent message from General Leia Organa with the resistance.” There was an edge to the commander’s voice. _Good_ , she thought, _I’m annoying him._

There was a slight pause and then she laughed. “What’s the message?”

“General Organa requests your presence immediately.”

Leeta guffawed “I don’t take orders from the resistance.”

“She says the nature of her request is personal.”

Leeta paused, and chuckled again, this time lightly to herself. “Alright, Poe. Lead me to your ship.”

 

 

Poe had thought the mission was strange from the start. Going off into Wild Space to pick up some person he’d never heard of. He’d been trying hard not to question General Organa since the dreadnaught incident, but they were in the middle of war. They had fought the battle on Vodran just a few days ago. What was the point of this? And his conversation with this mysterious woman hadn’t cleared much up. As he piloted his x-wing up toward the small starship he kept running through their conversation looking for clues to what Leia wanted from this woman. There weren’t many. She was a pilot, making inappropriately timed jokes, and resisting orders. Maybe he would like her after all.

The journey didn’t take long, and he was parking the shuttle next to her shabby light freighter before he knew it. Her freighter had something familiar about it, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. The ship was definitely Corellian. That was all he had time to ponder before Leeta emerged from the freighter.

He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t this. His eye was drawn first to her wild dark curls which bounced with each step, as if with a mind of their own. Her porcelain face had a speculative expression, her pink lips pouting out. Despite the dark circles under her eyes he could tell she was young, couldn’t be much older than her mid-twenties. She was tall, her length accentuated by tight grey trousers, tall black boots, and a long maroon vest which exposed her sculpted biceps. Poe was so used to the resistance uniforms which rendered their wearers practically genderless that the sight of the leather corset that hugged her hour-glass figure nearly knocked the breath out of him. She was utterly divine.

Before he allowed himself too long to ponder the attractiveness of this stranger, he disengaged his harness and hopped out of his x-wing.

“So, Leeta, how do you know General Leia anyway?” He attempted nonchalance.

“What she didn’t tell you?” Poe shook his head, Leeta smiled. “Oh, this’ll be fun.”

 

Once they touched down on the resistance base Poe personally escorted Leeta to Leia. They made the trip silently, Poe still slightly stung that Leeta had taken a bit too much joy in not revealing the nature of her connection to Leia. He couldn’t even begin to guess. Leeta’s bravado began to falter the further into the base they got; she fidgeted with her hands and was trying to subtly to adjust her hair. Clearly Leeta was nervous to see Leia. Perhaps she owed Leia a debt…

They finally reached the med bay and Poe gestured to Leia’s room. Leeta hesitated and closed her eyes. It looked like she was centering herself. As she stepped into the room Poe moved in a show of giving them privacy but stayed within earshot.

 

Leia felt like a ghost of herself lying in the med bay. The cruel realities of two wars and years in the senate had begun to manifest in her body. Nevertheless, her physical pain paled in comparison to the searing sadness that ripped through her as the statuesque woman tentatively stepped into her room.

“Breha” She croaked out, as she struggled to take in each detail of this person.

“Mom” She sighed, her eyes dampening. All pretense melted away and she sat down next to Leia and grasped her hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot got my html links to work!!! Thanks to everyone reading, this is going to be a really exciting journey!
> 
> [Vodran](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Vodran)
> 
> [Twi’lek](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Twi'lek)
> 
> [Lekku](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Lekku)
> 
> [Wild Space](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Wild_Space)
> 
> [Corellian](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Corellian)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading! It's so exciting to share something I made. I would really appreciate hearing what you think in the comments! You can bookmark here or follow on my [Tumblr](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/) for updates on new chapters. I should be posting fairly regularly for a while as I already have a good chunk of this story written.
> 
> This chapter has our first "flashback"!!! Huzzah for baby Ben!

**Hosnian Prime, 20 ABY**

Another day, another pointless party. He should feel the pressure of legacy given that he was the heir to the bloodline of Solo, Skywalker, and Organa, but really, he was just bored. Surely fate would have given Ben Solo the opportunity for more exciting adventures, but his mother seemed determined to beat diplomacy into him. He was begrudgingly practicing his penmanship when a parade of stylists waltzed into the room with far more noise than he thought necessary. He begrudged this too. Suddenly, working on his Alderaanean calligraphy was much more attractive.

“Now it should be a crime for his highness to look so glum ahead of such an exciting party!” Proclaimed Andresen, the man who designed many of the formal wardrobe items for the family.

“I’m not _actually_ a prince, you know.” Ben mumbled. There was so much about Andresen’s statement he disagreed with that he wasn’t sure where to start, but his stylist’s insistence on proclaiming his family’s royalty was perhaps his most annoying trait.

“Royalty is a state of being darling, it has nothing to do with governance.” Chirped Andresen as he opened a garment bag. Ben winced ever so slightly as the bag was unzipped, remembering some of the horrifying accoutrement thrust upon him throughout his childhood. Recently, he had cultivated some courage, or perhaps just become more self-aware, and demanded that his formal attire be less gaudy. In an attempt at diplomacy, he’s phrased it as wanting to appear more dignified. Well, time to see if Andresen had delivered.

“Well, what do you think?” Andresen snipped, clearly Ben’s attempt at diplomacy was not as tactful as he had assessed. Andresen pulled a sleek royal blue suit from the bag. Ben let out a sigh of relief upon observing the thankfully toned-down ensemble. The double-breasted jacket and sleek trousers still had silver threaded embroidery that was too delicate for Ben’s taste, but he thought he should be grateful for the compromise.

“I like it.” Ben said, Andresen looked less than impressed, so he continued, “What I mean is, it’s great. Some of your best work.”

“Let’s hope it does not go to waste.” Andresen quipped, while unbuttoning the fine silver buttons. Maybe this party won’t be so bad after all, Ben thought.

 

Once the ensemble was complete much of Ben’s trepidation had subsided. He peered in the mirror at this foreign face that was somehow his own. The overlarge features of his face had begun to sharpen recently, giving him a touch of handsomeness he was not sure he would ever embrace. His father somehow carried his large nose and ears with an impudence that apparently made them attractive, but Ben had not yet mastered his odd face. No one would ever say the great Han Solo had an odd face. No one said it to Ben either, but he knew they said it behind his back. The combination of his elegant clothing and unsophisticated features assured Ben Solo that he would never really fit in anywhere. With a knock at the door, Ben was snapped away from pondering his appearance.

In walked his mother, she never needed to wait for a response. No matter where she was the room was already hers. Leia Organa, wore her formalwear as if it she was born for it, and in truth, she was. Adopted by the King of Alderaan, Leia was groomed from childhood to be comfortable with the trappings of high society. Theoretically, Ben was too, but he navigated their privileged world with far less success.

“Who said my baby boy could grow into such a fine young man?” His mother opined as she strode over to him and rested her hands on his shoulders and squeezed a little too tight. Ben’s cheeks reddened, clearly his mother thought he pulled this off better than he did. She pinched his cheek, “oh have I embarrassed you?”

“You? Embarrass me? Never.” Ben rolled his eyes, then stood up releasing himself from his mother’s vice grip. He walked to the window. Not much to see on Hosnian Prime, just sprawling city. He missed Chandrila, his true home, but was forced to spend more and more time with Senator Organa in the New Republic’s new capital.

“Then I’m not trying hard enough.” Leia said. His mother always had to have the winning retort, so he eased off and there was a beat of silence. “We should get going then, since you are sure to be the star of the party.”

With a huff Ben followed his mother off to their sleek transport. It was a short ride to their destination. His mother’s long tenure as a senator meant she had living quarters in a prime location, and their home was not far from anything. Upon arriving, Ben took a deep breath and straightened himself up, now the performance began. These parties were not meant for fun, but for gaining political capital.

Ben helped his mother out of the shuttle and was immediately greeted by their overly enthusiastic host.

“Welcome Senator Organa, and lovely to see you once again Ben.” Varish Vicly smiled so widely, Ben’s own cheeks ached looking at her. “And how lovely that mother and son have coordinated their ensembles this evening!”

Ben looked at his mother again, and relented that he had not earlier realized that his mother was adorned in the same blue of his ensemble, and with a silver shoulder wrap matching the embroidery of his suit. Suddenly, he felt his cheeks get hot. Humiliating enough to be at a party with your mother, but in matching outfits, Ben thought he might be sick.

“How old is the young Solo now?” Varish inquired as she escorted them into the party. The Loneran’s thick golden fur was complemented by an elegant red gown which flowed behind her as they walked. Ben was caught off guard being referred to as, Solo. The weight of his mother’s legacy was so heavy, he was often thrown at the public reference to his mismatched name.

He took a deep breath to steady his reply, “Fifteen years old, Ma’am.”

His voice came out deeper and more confident than he expected, and Ben noticed himself feeling taller, and more authoritative. With that voice, the young Solo suddenly felt he could hold his own in this crowd.

“Doesn’t that just make you feel ancient?” Leia remarked with a stilted smile.

They finally stopped, and Ben glanced around the room. Overly large, ostentatiously decorated, packed with overachieving guests. Typical. Ben looked at his mother for permission to walk the room on his own. They had become proficient in unspoken conversations. She nodded inconspicuously in approval.

“Varish, thank you for escorting us in. I’d like to make the acquaintance of your other guests.” Ben said, feeling as if he had become quite good at this.

“Of course, your mother and I have some business to discuss, so you just enjoy yourself.” She dismissed Ben with a sweep of her arm, her golden fur cascading like a curtain as she did so.

 _Enjoy yourself._ Yeah right. Not in a place like this.

Ben shuffled around the party making awkward small talk with the other guests who were also dragged along by the political operatives they begrudgingly support. His mother was most certainly working some backdoor politics on whatever her latest pet project was. Ben resented the role politics played in his mother’s life. Clearly motherhood was not her priority. In truth, he desperately tried to be understanding, but mostly he felt forgotten, or worse like a pawn.

Thoughts like these hung over Ben like an ominous cloud. Lately he had been feeling even more lonely and frustrated. His dreams were a haunting reminder of the darkness rising within him. Surely with his bloodline his soul should be a blinding light, but Ben worried that being strong with the force, knowledge which he had been hiding from his parents, meant the darkness in him could be dangerous. So, he had kept the darkness mostly to himself. He had confided in Breha though, he knew he could always trust her.

 

**Resistance Base, 36 ABY**

As Breha stepped off the transport onto the resistance base her eyes landed on the Millennium Falcon. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of her father’s ship. It should make her happy to see the ship, but every memory of it that wasn’t already painful had been tainted. Tainted by the pain of the happy family it carried being torn apart. She inhaled sharply and averted her eyes to the ground.

Of course, this wouldn’t be the end of her pain. She didn’t know why her mother had summoned her. One thing was sure; she wouldn’t do it lightly. Especially since it was her mother that had sent her away.

She followed Poe through the humble base. It was ramshackle and disorganized, which struck Breha as odd. Anything her mother oversaw had always been carefully regulated and maintained. Breha’s palms were sweating at the notion of seeing her mother. Her heart raced as she realized seeing her mother meant she could let go of her alias, at least for now. She wondered what it would be like to be Breha Solo again. Was Leeta Thane a different person than Breha Solo? She had certainly done many nefarious things as Leeta that she would have never ventured to do as Breha Solo.

Upon reaching her mother’s room in the medbay all her greatest fears had been realized. Leia Organa was sick, and if she had summoned Breha, it was likely she wasn’t going to get better. Just after Breha let out a breathless, “Mom” Poe Dameron stormed into the room.

“Mom? General, you have a daughter? I fetched your daughter from Wild Space without knowing?” Poe’s eyebrows shot up higher with each question.

Leia held up a hand to stop him, choosing diplomacy in this moment. “Poe this is a personal matter, I appreciate you escorting my daughter to the base.”

There was a long silence as Poe stared intensely at Leia and then Breha considering what options he had. Eventually he let out a sigh, then straightened himself up attempting to retain some dignity and walked out of the room. This time he didn’t stay to listen.

“You always did like quick tempered men.” Breha quipped, Leia shot her a look. It didn’t surprise Breha that Leia had taken on a maternal role with some of her soldiers over the years. She’d lost her own children, so this must be how she coped. “So… whatever you need it must be important if you’ve pulled me out of hiding.”

“Breha,” Leia gripped her daughters hand tightly, “I’m dying.”

Breha inhaled deeply and stared straight ahead, not surprised by the news but struggling to hold herself together regardless. With all the dignity of her namesake, Breha asked evenly, “what’s going on?”

Leia clenched her jaw tightly, unsure how to interpret her daughter’s restrained reaction. “My heart can’t take the strain anymore, I don’t have long –“  

“Does Ben know?” Breha blurted it out without thinking. She blinked quickly and gulped, this was a sore subject. “I’m sorry, of course not.”

“That’s why I brought you here.” Leia’s hand cupped Breha’s jaw and pulled her face over to look her in the eye. “I have some regrets in life, but the only ones which truly matter to me are letting my children get away from me.”

As she searched her mother’s eyes for comfort, Breha’s began to water. She held in what she could, but a tear slowly fell down her cheek. Her mother’s thumb wiped it away. “I want to see him, one last time. I know it may not be possible, but I thought you might be able to help me.”

“Mom, you’re at war with each other,” Breha stuttered, “the reality of what you’re asking me to do is virtually impossible. I’d have to negotiate a ceasefire. I’m not resistance or First Order, and I left diplomacy behind a long time ago.”

Leia removed her hand from her daughter’s cheek, and clasped hands again. “I have faith in you.”

Breha took a deep breath through her nose, and searched her mother’s desperate eyes, “I can try.”

 

**Vodran, 36 ABY**

Kylo tapped the comm link on his wrist as he boarded the small transport ship. The light blinked for a few seconds, then connected, “Sir, how can we assist you?”

“Requesting immediate transport in the space outside of Vodran. I’m in a shuttle, but it cannot jump to hyperspace.” Kylo was punching commands into the ship’s terminal rapidly. Just as the transport ship was lifting off, he saw the building blow.

The facility was largely destroyed, and there were likely no surviving troopers. Kylo felt solemn for the loss of life. Although there was a tinge of glee, the First Order had gotten cocky in the absence of the Resistance. He was almost glad to see them back in fighting shape. Well, he was excited to see one member of the Resistance…

Kylo flew the shuttle up into the atmosphere, arriving just in time to see the last Resistance transports arrive at their capital ship. Then the ship thrust into hyperdrive and disappeared. Suddenly, he was quite alone in the vast expanse of space. His heartbeat quickened, fearing his rescue wouldn’t arrive, that he would be left alone in space forever.

When the _Executioner_ finally arrived, Kylo let out a heavy exhale. His lungs hurt and he realized he’d been holding his breath waiting for them. The tractor beam pulled his shuttle into the hangar of the capital ship, and then it settled onto the metal floor. Kylo pushed a button and opened up the hatch. Immediately there were officers flanking either side of the walkway out of the shuttle. He’d become used to this little ritual, though it was still strange to him.

“Supreme Leader, General Hux has sent an urgent comm request to the bridge.” A mustachioed officer piped up in an official voice.

Kylo lifted his arm up, “Lead the way.” 

Kylo’s mouth formed a frustrated line. Hux was bound to go on some diatribe about the facility, but Kylo was sure that he didn’t want to hear it. Today had been a victory as far as Kylo was concerned, he saw Rey smile, he touched her skin again.

The party arrived at the bridge, and all the officers stood to attention when Kylo entered the room. Kylo nodded, indicating they could be seated. Then Hux’s grey figure appeared in the center of the room, he was already so pale the holo didn’t look much different from the real thing, mused Kylo. 

“ _Supreme Leader_ ,” Hux hissed the word, “what happened down there?”

Kylo took a step toward the holo, “It appears we were outfoxed,” then he mimicked Hux’s tone, “ _General.”_

“The destruction of this facility will have dire consequences.” Hux’s jaw clenched.

Kylo sighed, “I’m quite aware. I did everything I could, but they managed to surprise us.”

“Well then,” Hux narrowed his eyes, “we mustn’t let it happen again.”

 

Kylo was then escorted to the executive quarters of the _Executioner._ He was pleased the conversation with Hux was short, because all he cared about in that moment was a hot shower. Between the swampy air on Vodran and having a capable dueling partner, Kylo was a grimy mess. The moment he made it into his quarters he retreated to the fresher and stripped off his clothing.

He fought the urge to set the aromavents to emit the amber and citrus scent that reminded him of Rey. Kylo figured it would be better to clear his mind of her for now. His efforts were not successful. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of the fresher as his nostrils were filled with the bright scent.

When he opened his eyes, Kylo felt his vision warping. _Kriff, I’m naked._ He reached for the control panel and punched the steam button. The stall quickly filled with thick steam. _Thank the Maker._

Then Rey’s face appeared in his vision. Her cheeks were ruddy, and her skin glowed with a thin layer of moisture. Kylo squinted at her, “Are you drinking?”

Rey bit her lip, her eyes scanning him up and down. “I do have a victory to celebrate.”

Kylo shook his head, he shouldn’t be surprised, but he was. He had always thought of her as being so innocent. Perhaps she wasn’t. Kylo almost got carried away with the thought, and he felt himself getting aroused. He panicked, “You won’t be celebrating for long.”

 _Kriff._ Did he really just say that? Rey’s carefree expression faded into a mask of anger, “I wouldn’t be so certain.”

Kylo raised an arm up to push his wet hair out of his face, “I – I just meant that… you’ll have to get back to work quickly.”

Rey raised an eyebrow, her eyes inspecting his arm as it moved into her view, “And that’s better how?”

“We’re still technically enemies…” Kylo looked sheepishly at Rey. _His personal forbidden fruit._

Rey smiled, “It’s hard to be enemies when the force connects us while you’re in the shower.”

Kylo exhaled, his cheeks reddening, “I can’t argue with that.”

Kylo heard loud cheering in the background, and Rey turned her head. He studied her for a moment. Her shining chestnut hair, her skin that was still creamy despite her years in the desert. Kylo’s eyes lingered on her lips, they were pink, and pouting. How he wished he could place his lips on hers.

Rey turned back to Kylo and smiled. Then the force connection broke. Kylo collapsed against the wall of the shower, frustrated that he hadn’t said anything meaningful to her. The force had kept them apart for two years and was suddenly connecting them again. Who’s to say their connection wouldn’t be cut off again for years without warning. He cursed under his breath, then finished his shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Varish Vicly](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Varish_Vicly)
> 
>  
> 
> [Loneran](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Loneran)
> 
>  
> 
> [Breha Organa](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Breha_Organa) All aboard the “Breha Organa doesn’t get enough credit” train! Choo choo!!!
> 
> [The Maker](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Maker). I figure since dear Ben was practically raised by droids he might use the phrase ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funny story, I had bronchitis and then I started a new job, so it took me longer than expected to finish editing this chapter. But alas, here it is! I hope you enjoy reading, and I would love to hear what you think in the comments. If you like this work you can bookmark, or follow me on [Tumblr](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/) where I post updates as well.

**Resistance Base, 36 ABY**

No amount of caf was going to change that the force had connected Rey and Kylo last night. But it might help with the hangover. The morning after the attack on Vodran, Rey sat in the base’s modest mess hall drinking caf with Finn watching the news on the viewscreen. They usually made snide comments about the obviously First Order biased reports. Instead Rey was staring intently at the screen as Kylo Ren delivered a rare public speech.

The truth was, no matter how hard she tried, Rey’s thoughts were constantly consumed with conflicted thoughts about _him._ Ben Solo had killed Snoke, the center of so much evil. This man spared Rey’s life, twice. Yet, Kylo Ren the same man with a different name, continued to lead the First Order’s relentless crusade. They were separated on opposite sides of the war, but their connection was strong.

Strong enough that the force connected them last night, for the first time in two years. _He was in the shower. Naked!_ Rey’s cheeks got hot at the thought. She didn’t see any further than his chest, but she still felt scandalized. This man, who should be her mortal enemy, was so _beautiful._ Rey wanted so badly to hate this man responsible for so much pain across the galaxy. She couldn’t hate him though, something inside her was drawn to him, even cared for him.

“How much time do you think Ren spends doing his hair?” Finn quipped, and grinned at Rey waiting for a reaction. He didn’t get it. Her eyes were glued to the screen and her brow furrowed. Finn waved a hand in front of her face, “You there?”

She was entranced. Rey blinked a few times before responding, “Sorry, just thinking.”

“Are you ever going to tell us what really happened with Ren?” Finn half teased. It had become a point of tension that Rey was keeping the details of what occurred on the _Finalizer_ to herself.

Rey rolled her eyes at Finn, “Ren killed Snoke, I escaped, those are the facts that matter.”

“I’m an officer-” Finn sighed. “I’m your friend, you can tell me the truth.”

“That is the truth.” Rey said, and left in a huff. She was fortunate Finn was still her friend, that she had any friends, since half-finished conversations were her new normal. Rey didn’t bother talking about the truth because there was no way anyone in the Resistance would ever understand her bond with Kylo. They had been inside each other’s minds, that was a more intimate bond than she could ever share with anybody. But they were still enemies. Whatever fantasies Rey dreamt up, none of them were going to happen.  

Yet, Rey often imagined what would have happened had she accepted Ben’s offer. His _proposal._ She felt crazy when she placed that word on it, but that’s what it felt like. As she ran the events through her mind over and over, he was offering her the galaxy, and a seat by his side. It certainly wasn’t a business arrangement. No. His eyes burned with _passion_ in that moment. Rey’s heart raced remembering his pleading gaze.

Rey would frequently lie awake at night restless and become carried away thinking of what might have been. Imagining his tight, but tender embrace. Their lips meeting would be like magic. When their hands touched in the hut on Ahch-To, there had been electricity, she imagined she might just fall to the ground if they ever did kiss. Her thoughts wandered to the conversations they shared in their force bonds. Their connection was deep. Beyond physical. Was it possible the real feeling she had for him was _love_?

Whatever she felt, it didn’t matter. She had tried to turn him, and it didn’t work. It was a dead end. Somehow Rey had to work within the Resistance to win the war. Though their numbers looked better every day, so did the First Order’s. Rey’s steely resolve and optimism were worn down by the long days of war. The two years since the Battle of Crait felt like five or ten. Rey was exhausted and so was the Resistance. If only the connection between Rey and Ben could save them. Though she hoped, Rey wasn’t sure Kylo could ever be turned back to the light.  

 

 

Breha left the med bay to let her mother rest. She walked aimlessly around the base, her thoughts racing desperately to figure out how she would fulfill her mother’s request. Her family was quite literally waging war against each other, and she had to somehow bring them together. The information she received over the years about her brother was spotty, but last she heard he was now the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Her task seemed impossible.

As Breha wove her way through the base she was the subject of many curious glances, and outright stares. She didn’t look like the soldiers who were clinging to a revolution that from any outside perspective looked doomed. Breha didn’t hear much about the war in Wild Space, no one cared out there. It was kill or be killed out there. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t time for a bit of fashion.

She found herself back at the docking bay and was immediately drawn toward the Millennium Falcon. The ship was so inextricably tied to her father that she was overcome with grief so strong it nearly knocked her off her feet. She still felt such guilt about his death. Things had gone so wrong. She didn’t find out about his death until months later. He occasionally visited her, but she hadn’t seen him for two years before he died.

No one would venture to say that Han Solo was the best dad in the galaxy. In fact, most people who had any sentiment for him at all, revelatory or predatory, probably didn’t realize he even had children. Between racing in the Five Sabers, and running a shipping company, he had little time for Breha and Ben. Despite all that, he was still her dad, and Breha’s grief for him was overwhelming. Residing in Wild Space meant that she’d been in her fair share of scraps, but Breha’s pain from the death of her father was the greatest she had ever known.

It wasn’t a constant pain, sometimes she didn’t feel it at all. Nevertheless, it would creep its way back into her soul, and stop her in her tracks. There was no warning either. Suddenly, a wave of sadness would creep over her whole being, exhausting every cell in her body. When the wave would hit again, Breha had trouble sleeping, her thoughts racing with images of her father running through them.

Standing in front of the Millennium Falcon she felt the strongest pain since initially finding out about her father’s death. She turned away from it, ready to bolt to her ship, run away, and never come back. As she turned, she was hit with another blow. Approaching the Falcon was Chewbacca and a young woman Breha had never seen before. Chewie let out a surprised roar and embraced Breha, his powerful hug knocking the wind out of her. Breha nostrils filled with fur as she struggled to breath.

After Chewie let Breha go, the stranger stepped closer, a smile on her face, “Any friend of Chewie is a friend of mine. My name’s Rey.”

Rey held out a hand to Breha, which she took tentatively, and introduced herself. There was something about Rey that struck Breha as odd. Beyond her affiliation to Chewie, Breha could feel that Rey was not a typical soldier. Rey looked at her with interest, “Breha? That’s an interesting name, I’ve never heard it before.”

Breha cleared her throat, still fighting through the urge to burst into uncontrollable sobs, “It was my grandmother’s name, so I suppose it has gone out of style.”

The joke helped slightly ease Breha’s discomfort, but she was still fighting the urge to run. Rey giggled, and smiled, trying to act casual, “How do you know Chewie?”

“Oh… uh…” Breha searched for what the right answer would be. So many years in hiding had conditioned her to lie, but she also thought there was no point in artifice here. The secret was out, thanks to that prying pilot, and probably spread through most of the base by now. “My dad is- was Han Solo.”

Rey’s expression melted into shock, “Oh… I didn’t know he had a daughter.”

“Yeah, I suppose the other kid gets most of the galaxy’s attention.” Breha quipped, the family penchant for inappropriate wit on full display. Rey let out a strained chuckle, the reference to Ben seemed to irritate her.

“Well, Breha, if you have the time I’d love to talk. I knew Han before he…” Rey couldn’t get the word out. Breha could see the struggle on her face, trying to be sensitive in the face of something so complicated, this certainly being a subject of angry fervor among the Resistance.

 “I would love to chat.” Breha accepted the invitation without hesitation, knowing this would be a painful conversation, but Breha sensed this girl had some valuable information to offer.

 

Rey was in a state of shock. Han and Leia had a daughter who they told no one about, that they’d let the galaxy forget. Rey’s visceral reaction was to be jealous, and to hate this girl. Yet, Rey’s instincts told her Breha could be trusted. She could feel in the force that Breha was genuine.

Breha and Rey were walking toward the mess hall, eliciting stares from passersby. While Rey was still uncomfortable with curious eyes, Breha looked undisturbed, “How did you meet my father?”

Rey chuckled, “That’s a bit complicated, but the short version is, I stole the Millenium Falcon, and then he offered me a job.”

“Sounds about right.” Breha cocked an eyebrow. Rey was struck by how that small expression looked so much like Han. There was no doubt in her mind that she was his child. As Rey studied Breha’s face she noticed the features that reminded her of Leia or Han, her oval face and prominent nose. Yet, Breha’s piercing blue eyes didn’t belong to either of them, they were more like Luke’s. “You know the whole galaxy has been talking about you.”

“What?” Rey was drawn out of her contemplation with the bold statement. The curious eyes around were amplified by the idea that she had somehow gained a more far-reaching reputation.

“You’re the Jedi girl, aren’t you?” Rey’s face contorted at the question, and Breha’s looked smug that she had figured Rey out. They arrived at the mess which was buzzing with the young recruits still flying high from their first battle. The Battle on Vodran had been a decisive defeat for the First Order, and the Resistance was yearning for their next offensive.  Breha and Rey moved through the crowd swiftly.

“I guess.” Rey filled a cup with caf, focusing more intently on the task than necessary. “I can use the force, but I don’t think I’d call myself a Jedi.”

“Well, everyone else is.” Breha shot her a knowing look, as she filled her cup. They wiggled through the crowd once again, eventually finding an unoccupied corner of the mess to have a seat.  

Rey glanced around to ensure no one could listen to their conversation, “Luke was adamant that the Jedi end. It would feel wrong to use the word.”

Breha laughed, “So, he blamed himself then?”

“I don’t see how that’s funny.” Rey frowned and crinkled her brow.         

“It’s just so Luke.” Breha shrugged, “Everything is always his fault. I think it’s hilarious.”

Rey leaned back in her seat, and shot a challenging stare at Breha, “Maybe it’s just the burden of the light side.”

This made Breha smile, “Yeah, maybe.”

The air was heavy for a moment, the two women staring at each other, contempt waning into curiosity. Rey broke first, leaning in, “Why haven’t you been around?” She inquired carefully. “I mean, why didn’t Han and Leia talk about you more?”

Breha inhaled deeply, “We were afraid the same thing that happened to Ben would happen to me, so I laid low in wild space.” She took a sip of her caf and grimaced slightly at the bitter taste. “I think they tried not to think about me because it was too painful.”

“I’m sorry.” Rey put her hand over Breha’s. Though she envied Breha for being the daughter of Han and Leia, she could sympathize with feeling left behind.  

“It was tough but I got through it.” Breha took another sip of her caf, prepared for the taste this time, her face stayed neutral. “Have you ever met my brother?”

Rey hesitated, taking her first sip of the caf, then sliding the cup on the table gently between her hands. She was conflicted about what exactly to say to Breha, pondering some of the awkward topics which may emerge. Finally, Rey raised her eyes back to Breha’s, “Yes, I have.”

Rey had never told the full story of her interactions with Ben Solo to anyone. Yet, Breha’s relationship to Ben compelled Rey to tell her the truth. Rey told Breha everything, rushing through the story, a weight lifting off her shoulders as she finally divulged the details that plagued her. Their mind meld during the interrogation, the force bond, when their hands touched, Ben offering her a place beside him. Something in Breha’s reassuring gaze and calm temperament eased Rey. She renewed Rey’s hope that Ben could be turned.

 

**Chandrila 16 ABY**

The Solo family were enjoying a rare peaceful afternoon together. Leia carefully studying Senate proposals at the small dining table, enjoying the smell of the crisp Chandrila air wafting into their cozy home from the open windows. Han sat on the couch sipping caf, watching the multitude of contortions Breha was practicing. He stole occasional glances at Ben sitting opposite Leia writing a paper for school, but his attention was quickly turned with shouts of, “Watch me, watch me!” from the little one.

Ben was clever, so he usually wrote papers quickly with little effort. Today, however, he was focused, finding the assignment about the rise of the Empire fascinating. His mother had been teaching him about the final days of the former Galactic Republic since Ben was young, insisting that if we don’t learn from our mistakes, we’re bound to repeat them.

“And look Dad! I can make a U!” And dutifully the six-year-old Breha flipped and formed a U by placing her hands on the ground.

“Very nice.” Han chuckled lightly, she had been at this for a while, so the novelty had worn off. “Ben, why don’t you take a break and go outside with your sister?”

Ben’s eyes flicked up from his work, “I am busy.” He was five years his sister’s senior, so he was not young enough to be a true playmate to her, nor old enough to be her babysitter. Ben liked having a sister, but he didn’t necessarily enjoy playing with her.

“Oh come on, enjoy the sunshine! You two need to go on an adventure.” Han strode over to where Ben was working and plucked him from his seat. There was no use resisting any longer. The children put shoes on and were rushed out the door. Ben gave his father a sour face before the door was closed on them.

“So, what do you –“, before Ben could finish the sentence, Breha was off. She ran through their sleepy little neighborhood excitedly, and Ben followed not sure where she was going. By now Ben knew of his parent’s legacy, and thought it was funny that they ended up living in a boring suburb. Chandrila was a temperate planet, with tall grasses and gentle sunshine. Though these days Ben would rather be inside playing on his holocube, he did enjoy the fresh air. He’d just returned from spending time with his mother at the New Republic Senate, a boring venture that left little time for being outdoors.

Little Breha didn’t stop until they reached the end of their neighborhood and found themselves in an area untouched and vast. The plain had Chandrila’s signature tall green grass and was scattered with some large boulders. Breha shouted as she ran toward one of the biggest, “Come on!”

Ben rushed toward his little sister, still piecing together what was happening, “Wait Breha, what are you doing?”

Before he knew it, Breha was climbing up the boulder nimbly. He shouted, “Have you done this before?”

“On some of the smaller ones, when dad has come outside with me, but he’s never let me do this one.” She shouted defiantly, peering over her shoulder. She continued to climb, and so Ben did so as well. His newly long limbs awkwardly navigated the huge rock, until finally they reached the top. When he looked down, he thought they must be up at least fifteen feet. It was fun, but he understood why his father hadn’t allowed Breha to make the climb. Ben’s stomach turned, and he wondered if he might get in trouble if they were caught.

“Hey, I think we should go back down.” Ben said, his sister now sitting in the middle of the boulder looking pleased with herself.

“Oh come on! We just got up!” She pouted stubbornly.

Ben sighed, “It’s not a good idea to stay up here.”

Breha stuck her tongue out at her brother and grumbled as she got to her feet, “You’re no fun, I don’t know why dad makes me play with you.”

Ben was insulted, “Makes _you_ play with _me!_ Other way around, nerf herder!”

Breha had been making her way to edge of the boulder when suddenly her foot slipped, and she lost her footing. She fell to her side and was tumbling down the boulder. When Ben got to the edge she was free falling to the ground. Instinctively he reached out his hand, and what happened next confused him.

Breha was floating inches above the ground, and then she gently landed in the grass. Both children were frozen with their mouths open, dumbstruck. Ben was somewhat familiar with the force but had never dreamed he would possess the ability to use it. He looked at his hand slowly examining it with suspicion.  

Still on the ground, Breha blurted out, “What just happened?”

**Hosnian Prime 20 ABY**

Fortunately, Ben’s sister was spared the annoyance of this particular public appearance. Breha was only ten, but she had learned how to work her parents. She used the classic excuse of being too young to get out of this party. She was left at the family home on Chandrila with the nanny droid, while their father was off working on the racing fleet. Han Solo was great at many things, but being a father was not one of them. 

Ben was about to write a communique to Breha lamenting his inability to wriggle his way out of these events when he felt the sensation of someone looking at him. He froze. Instead of lifting his eyes from his datapad he attempted to reach out with his senses. His budding force abilities were unrefined, so he could only feel the general direction of the interested party. After a moment of thought Ben tried to nonchalantly slide his eyes over the crowd and sweep over the suspected watcher. Perhaps his eyes moved more deliberately than intended because he found them locked with the curious stranger.

She had intense black eyes, which were searching his intently the moment they landed on her. When she began to take elegant steps toward Ben he panicked and looked down. Why would anyone, particularly a not unattractive woman, be staring at him at a party? Ben took a breath and steadied himself. When she was closer Ben realized she was almost as tall as him. Unconsciously perhaps, Ben pulled himself up taller, even though he had no need. Despite still having growth to come Ben was quite tall, and already stood above many of the adults at the party. As the mystery woman finally settled in front of Ben, a little closer than necessary, she set a drink on the bar and flipped some of her stick straight fiery red hair over her shoulder.

“I knew this party was going to have important people, but I didn’t imagine I would run into _the_ Ben Solo.” She almost whispered jutting her chin slightly to be close to his ear.

Ben was caught off guard by the remark. He was occasionally recognized, and those who did know who he was were usually more interested in his parents. She was smiling at him intently, and he realized his reply had not come quickly enough to ease the tension. “Um, yes, that’s me, but I’m really no one special. My mom dragged me here.”

The woman chuckled softly and smiled, “You may not be special yet, but you will be.” Her eyes were fixed on his, as if she were trying to communicate a secret to him.

Ben’s brow crinkled with confusion, “I’m sorry, do you know something I don’t?”

“Just that there are some people very interested in you, and perhaps any abilities you might have…” As she finished speaking she reached her hand out and her glass slide to it. Ben instantly felt cold. Flagrant use of the force in front of all these people seemed odd. Following the Galactic Civil War, use of the force became somewhat taboo, as many had the sense that these powers had somehow led to the rise of the Empire. This woman was a force user, and she wanted Ben to know.

He thought he would try to play it cool, but before he formed his reply she sipped her drink and turned her back to Ben. He was left staring at the swath of light gray skin exposed by her backless gown. She turned her head, and in a husky voice uttered, “Skywalker blood is valuable.”

She slinked off, as if their conversation was of no consequence. Ben had no such composure. He bit his lip, and then took in a deep steady breath. Her words were threatening, but it didn’t feel like a threat. It felt like a proposition.

Just as he was wrapping his mind around what had just happened, he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He nearly jumped out his skin, but then his mother spoke, “So who is that you’re starring at?”

Ben’s cheeks got hot, “I don’t know.” He choked out. “Um, she was just asking about Uncle Luke.”

This was a believable enough lie, given the curiosity surrounding Luke. She wasn’t taking the bait though, “But you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m actually not feeling very well, I think I should go home.” Ben pitched his voice up slightly, attempting to sound more pathetic. Leia placed her hands on his cheeks, testing the validity of this lie.

“You do feel a little clammy.” She relented. Apparently, the odd conversation created a convenient visceral reaction. “I had a few more people I wanted to talk to.”

“Mom, you can stay if you need, I can go home by myself.” Ben said, a little too eagerly. Leia took a deep breath considering her options. Before she could respond, Ben got a sharp pain in his stomach, and darkness clouded his mind. “Actually, I think you should come home with me. I feel terrible.”

Leia’s expression was a mixture of confused and concerned. “Alright Ben. Let’s go home.”

Ben was shocked at the lack of a witty retort, but pleased his mother bought it. They made their way around making polite, yet efficient goodbyes, then boarded their transport home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Five Sabers](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Five_Sabers)   
>  [Han Solo’s Shipping Company](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Han_Solo%27s_shipping_company)   
>  [Chandrila](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Chandrila)   
>  [Nerf Hearder](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Nerf_herder)   
>  [Datapad](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Datapad)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time! I've been crazy busy, and this chapter required more editing than I anticipated. I know there has been a lot of exposition, but I promise some more action is coming! I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone reading, let me know what you think, and if you have ideas! I have written a lot of this story already, but it is still a living document as I move forward. As always, you can check out my [Tumblr](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/) to stay updated, and check out the 'covers' I've made for each chapter. 
> 
> Happy reading!

**Hosnian Prime, 20 ABY**

Ben awoke the day after the party still dazed from his odd interaction. He shrugged on a robe as he lazily made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a breakfast biscuit from the pantry. Though droids were quick enough when preparing food, he usually preferred grabbing something he could eat immediately rather than bother them. Truthfully, he had an inexplicable dislike of most droids, and thus avoided interacting with them when possible. Since his mother was usually gone by the time he woke up, Ben’s typical morning routine on Hosnian Prime was to grab something to eat and then settle in to play on the holocube. This morning was different, his mother was still at home, and was in the living room watching the news on the viewscreen.

He noticed a grim expression on both his mother’s face, and the reporter’s “Tragedy struck the New Republic’s seat of government last night on Hosnian Prime, as a party attended by several high-profile senators was the scene of a vicious attack. Several assailants attacked the party’s guests seemingly at random. Unfortunately, we have no more details about the assailants, nor the victims of the attack.”

Ben froze behind the couch his mother was seated on. “Do you think –“

“Yes, it was.” Leia interrupted him, to confirm his suspicion. The party they had attended was the scene of the attack.

“Were you a target?” Ben moved to sit next to his mother on the couch, unsure if he would need to comfort his mother. She was a steely woman, but he knew privately she was deeply sensitive.

“I don’t know. If I was, they didn’t do a very good job.” The wit of Leia’s remark was more reflex than truth, and as she said it there wasn’t a hint of humor.

Ben’s mind immediately ran through his odd conversation again. The woman was vaguely threatening, but nothing happened until after he and his mother had left. Perhaps the events were unrelated, but it seemed too peculiar to be coincidence. Ben still hadn’t told his mother about the conversation he’d had. Why he felt the need to keep it to himself, he wasn’t sure. He debated whether now was the time to discuss his odd encounter. Ben quickly shook the idea from his mind, “Do you think the attack was random?”

“No, it had to have been political… but I don’t know the specifics yet. The senate is going to have to investigate.” Leia was beginning to appear more intrigued with the situation, than scared. “That’s why I’m still here, actually. This is going to take all my attention, and I don’t think you should be here by yourself. I’m having my staff transport you back to Chandrila to be with your father.”

As if his father would be any more present. Ben resented being shuffled back and forth between the two. His parents were still ostensibly a couple, and were coparenting their two children, but they spent most of their time apart. Leia would never give up her political work, and Han couldn’t stand to be tied down. Ben often heard the two of them fighting in hushed tones late at night. His parents seemed so different from each other, sometimes Ben wasn’t sure what drew them together. Or why they had children.

“But aren’t I a witness?” Ben piped up almost as reflex, yet again, finding a way to avoid spending time with his father. The inattention of Han Solo felt more deliberate than that of Senator Organa, and thus Ben was more spiteful toward his father.

“Well, I suppose, but Ben you’re just a child. I doubt the senate would want to interview you.” Leia’s brow furrowed and clasped her son’s shoulder.

“Mom, I barely spoke to anyone, maybe I saw something relevant and didn’t realize it at the time.” Ben tilted his head down and looked up at her from below his eyelashes, trying to appear innocent.

Leia looked at him with confusion, “Well, did you see something?”

“I don’t know, I’m just a child, right? How am I supposed to know what’s important?” Ben felt awfully clever using his mother’s own argument against her.

She relented, “I suppose you’re right. You’ll stay here with me.”

 

A few days later the investigation was well under way. Ben could tell from the media circus that the senators in charge were more interested in exposure than actual results. As expected, Ben was called for an interview. Since he was not yet an adult, his interview would not be publicly broadcast like typical senate hearings. Both Leia and Ben figured it was just procedural, he was one of few guests that were somewhat politically neutral. Given the petty squabbles the New Republic Senate had become infamous for, the testimony of those who were not directly involved in politics would be highly prized. Despite the meeting being a formality, Ben dressed in his most serious looking suit.

Upon entering the room his hearing would take place in, Ben was once again grateful that he might avoid the spectacle of the other hearings. Just imagining being at the center of the vast number of hover pods in the formal senate chamber made his stomach turn. In the comparatively simple room Ben was seated behind a table with his mother, and only ten senators were seated on a platform in front of him.

“Please state your name for the record.” Bellowed the Senator presiding over the hearing, a Mon Calamari with an unreadable expression. Ben had figured Mon Motha would lead the hearings given her de facto position of leadership in the senate. Yet for this investigation she had taken somewhat of a backseat.

Ben cleared his throat, “Ben Solo.”

“Your full name please.” The Mon Calamari senator said soberly.

“Ben Chewbacca Organa Solo.” He had turned a bright shade of crimson as he grumbled his full name. Great, now his ridiculous middle name was parliamentary record.

“You attended the party in question, Mr. Solo?” This time it was a Twi’lek senator who spoke. His tone somehow even more menacing than the Mon Calamari. Ben was briefly thrown off by being referred to as ‘Mr. Solo’, which felt altogether too grown up for him.  

“Yes, I did. I was a guest of my mother, Senator Leia Organa.” Ben tried to slyly wipe the sweat off his palms onto his black Cyrene silk trousers under the table. “I escorted my mother to the party at approximately seventeen hundred hours, and we left at approximately nineteen hundred hours.”

The Twi’lek senator exchanged a glance with a female senator whose raven hair was arranged in the Nova Sundari style, then continued, “And what was your reason for leaving at the time?”

“I wasn’t feeling well, so we left and went home.” Despite the seemingly routine line of questioning, the intense gaze of the panel made Ben’s heart beat rapidly.

This time it was the dark-haired woman who spoke, “You were not present for the attack?”

“No, I was not.”

“And how did you get home?” The questions came from the woman quickly, as if prepared.

“I rode in a transport with mother.”

“What did you do upon arriving home?”

“I went to my bedroom, to get some rest. I was there until morning.”

“Can anyone attest to your whereabouts?”

“My mother, Senator Organa, arrived home with me.”

“But did she check that you were in your bedroom?”

“Um, I don’t think so.” Ben’s palms were sweaty again, he couldn’t help feeling anxious by this turn of the questioning. He held his hands firmly on his thighs to ground himself.

“Mr. Solo, the assailants were disguised, and they have still not been found.” The Twi’lek senator resumed the question this time. His eyes narrowed as if he was pleased with Ben’s discomfort. “Tell me does the description of this assailant sound like anyone you know? Very tall, and thin. Black hair, long around the ears, and pale skin.”

A lump formed in Ben’s throat and he stared at the floor considering how he would answer. He felt his mother’s hand grasp his under the table. He took a deep breath and returned his gaze to the panel, “I suppose that matches my description, sir, but I was at home when the attack occurred.”

“Do you know how to operate the transports in your family’s possession?” The Mon Calamari senator continued the questioning this time, his tone even.

“Yes.” Ben responded as calmly as he could muster. He wanted to lie, hoping that might get him off the hook. Before the hearing his mother told him to tell the truth no matter what, so he resisted the urge.

“Then is it possible you could have snuck out of your bedroom, gone back to the party, and perpetrated the attack?”

Ben’s brow crinkled, and he looked at the other senators on the panel who had yet to speak. All but Mon Motha looked intrigued by the discussion so far. She wore an expression of distress. Realizing that no one was going to defend him, Ben spoke this time betraying the incredulity he felt about the questioning, “I guess it’s possible, but are you really suggesting a Senator’s son committed an act of terror?”

The Twi’lek senator’s mouth stretched into a smug grin, “It may seem unlikely to you, but we have all the facts at our disposal.”

“And how do you intend to prove these allegations?” Leia bolted out of her chair, and practically spat her words at the committee. She warned Ben before the hearing that she would remain silent, not wanting to bias the results, but clearly she had met her breaking point.

The female senator appeared to suppress a laugh, “We will find a way.”

“Isn’t it unethical to make accusations before you have evidence to support them?” Leia doubled down, glaring at the senator with a ferocity Ben had never seen before. She looked so powerful, and Ben realized that he was probably witnessing just a glimpse into how she had become so well respected in the Senate.

“We have reasonable suspicions about Mr. Solo’s involvement in the attack.” Unperturbed the Mon Calamari sounded almost bored as he responded.  

Leia stood her ground, “Do you seriously believe a 15-year-old had anything to do with this? What possible reason could he have?”

 The woman raised an eyebrow, “Political gain, perhaps?”

Leia’s face went red with rage, and just as she opened her mouth to launch into a tirade Mon Motha stood up.

“This hearing is over.” The other senators on the panel looked prepared to argue with her, but she moved to the door with all the calm and grace of her usual demeanor restored. The senators hesitated to follow her out of the room, and once they did their bodies were tense.

Ben’s mouth was agape at the events which had just occurred. Leia turned toward Ben and lifted a finger, “Don’t say a word.”

 

**Resistance Base, 36 ABY**

After her conversation with Rey, Breha’s hope was renewed. Perhaps her mission was not as impossible as she thought. She pondered how she might leverage this new-found information, as she meandered to the quarters Leia had arranged for her on the base.

She infrequently slept anywhere but her ship, so even the simple military barracks were a luxury to her. Breha slipped her arms out of her coarseweave vest, the armholes frayed from years of nonstop use. The leather vest underneath was pocked with blaster marks, which were rough to the touch. Breha stepped into the fresher and examined her reflection. Her eyes had always had a world-weary quality to them, an understanding of the vast suffering of the galaxy transmitted through them. Breha wondered what her life would like if it had not been marred by tragedy. Imagined what a carefree life would yield.  The circles under her eyes were darker than usual. Despite the relative comfort of her base accommodations, Breha had been sleeping fitfully carrying the knowledge that she would soon be entirely parentless.

Despite her promise to her mother, Breha was still determined that she would never be Resistance or First Order, it felt wrong to pick a side in a war lead on both sides by members of her family. _Wonder how many times someone has had that problem,_ Breha thought as she ran her fingers through her hair, snags catching her fingers on the way down. Breha had reconciled that she was not planning to end the war, that was not her place. Convincing her brother to see their mother was a personal errand, not a military assignment.

A knock at the door broke Breha’s train of thought. She cursed that the door did not have peep hole, so she could see who was bold enough to visit her before she opened the door. When she did open the door, she was somewhat unsurprised by who she saw.

Poe Dameron stood there in a pose which attempted swagger, and he cleared his throat, “Mmm – uh hi.”

Breha squinted at him, gestured toward the room, “Hi, I wasn’t expecting guests, but I suppose I’m the guest, so feel free.”

“Oh, uh, no I don’t need to come in,” Poe stuttered. “I just thought, maybe we could have dinner together later. We got off on a bad foot, and General Organa is really important to me, so I would like the opportunity to make a better impression with her daughter.”

Breha winced slightly, it had been awhile since she was branded ‘Leia’s daughter.’ Despite finding Poe irritating, Breha thought ingratiating herself to him could be useful, “Sure, I can meet you in the mess in an hour.”

 

Poe walked away from Breha’s door dumbstruck. He still felt betrayed that he did not know about her very existence and was determined to hate her. Yet he’d caught Breha with her guard down, even for just that brief moment. When she wasn’t aggressively posturing there was an attractive warmth to her. Poe grumbled to himself about not getting distracted while he walked away. They were in the middle of a war, and with General Organa’s health declining, he was taking on more and more responsibility. He couldn’t afford to have romantic feelings. Yet wasn’t the war exactly why he should allow himself some comfort. Since the probability of ending up a dust cloud in space was high, he might as well enjoy what life he had left.

During this internal debate, Poe had wandered aimlessly through the base. He had no clue what to do with the time until Breha was meeting him for dinner, so he turned around and walked to the mess, figuring he would just wait for her there.

The mess was busily filling with the evening crowd. Poe looked around at their bright young faces and felt a pang of guilt. He had become bitterly aware that many of them would die fighting for the cause. As he prepared to step into a leadership role, the weight of decisions which might snuff out their lives was heavy on his shoulders. Was the war worth their lives? Blood spilt doesn’t discriminate about why.

Poe sat thumbing at a cup of Meilooran juice which he’d picked up at Black Spire Outpost on his way to find Breha in Wild Space. The juice was especially delicious given that the only other options they’d had recently were caf and bitter hydrade, but Poe was too nervous to drink any. He was beginning to regret even inviting Breha to dinner, losing track of why he had extended the invitation at all.

The moment Poe’s doubts crested, Breha walked through the door, her vest restored, once again covering the smooth shoulders Poe had glimpsed earlier. She moved with a ferocity, each step full of purpose. How he missed that Leia is her mother was now a mystery. It was quite evident that Leia’s powerful presence had been passed down. Breha stood next to the table and smirked “I’m surprised to see you by yourself, I was expecting an ambush.”

“I was being honest,” Poe rolled his eyes and stood up. “I do want to get to know you better.”

They got their dinner and returned to the seats. Poe had come to despise the boring K-18 rations he’d been eating for so long and aimlessly pushed his food around the plate. Breha ate her portion voraciously. He had never seen someone so enthusiastic about their meager meals. It dawned on Poe that exile in Wild Space meant the food she could get her hands on somehow made their desperate supply was tantalizing to her.

Breha paused from feasting and squinted at Poe, “You’re not that good of a liar.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Poe blinked rapidly.

“You’re suspicious of me,” Breha pursed her lips. “You’re sizing me up.”

She was astute. Poe thought artifice came easily to him, but apparently not.  It was true that Poe had his reservations about the strange girl whom he had fetched from Wild Space. He believed that she was Leia’s daughter, but given the activities of Leia’s other child, he couldn’t afford to suspend doubt for that reason. Poe took a steadying breath, “It’s my job to protect these people.”

Breha arched an eyebrow, “Do you think I’m a spy?” The corner of her mouth stretched upward. “Wouldn’t I have more enthusiastically joined up if that were the case?”

“Maybe you’re trying to fend off suspicion.” Poe glared intensely now, his façade of hospitality wearing thin.

“Look,” Breha leaned forward, crossing her arms on the table, “I’m here to run an errand for my mother, and then I’m leaving. You won’t have to worry about me for long.”

“What errand?” Poe narrowed his eyes.

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Breha looked at him coolly, she was unbothered by his probing. The errand must be from Leia, Poe surmised, but what possible errand could she do that he couldn’t? Jealously welled within him. How could Leia trust her more than him? Breha smiled at him, “Although, you might be able to help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Holocube](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Holocube) \- (honestly, in canon this is used for a different purpose, but I use the name for a stand-in game system, a la Gamecube.)  
> [Viewscreen](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Viewscreen)  
> [Cyrene Silk](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Cyrene_silk)  
> [Nova Sundari style hairdo](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Nova_Sundari-style_hairdo)  
> [Coarseweave](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Coarseweave)  
> [Meiloorun Juice](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Meiloorun_Juice)  
> [Black Spire Outpost](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Black_Spire_Outpost)  
> [Hydrade](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Hydrade)  
> [K-18 rations](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/K-18_rations)
> 
> I'll try to get the next update up quickly! Hopefully before next Friday!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much new Star Wars content is coming out and I am getting so hype!!!! I'm working on ways to incorporate some things I've seen coming out, so look for that in the coming chapters! I'm so happy that you are reading, and I would love to hear from you in the comments! Please also check out my [Tumblr](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/), where I post updates and cover art/moodboards I've created for each chapter.

**Chandrila, 26 ABY**

Han Solo awoke to a piercing scream coming from his daughter’s room. His reflexes were quick as ever when he jumped out of bed and grabbed his blaster from inside the night table. Mind racing as he approached his daughter’s room, Han expected the worst. A vengeful assailant, perhaps an Empire sympathizer, or a political pawn poisoned by Centrist ideals. Han was surprised to see only his daughter in the room, body stiff in her bed. Breha’s eyes were still closed, as if she were sleeping, but she was breathing heavily like she’d just gone for a long run. Han rushed to her side, and shook her, “Breha, Breha wake up, it’s okay I’m here.”

Han held his daughter as she seemed to fight her way to consciousness. He held her out to look at her, the teenager was sweaty, but cold and had dark circles under her eyes. “Dad…” She struggled to get the words out, “I don’t… what happened?”

“Nothing, I think. Honey, we’re at home. It’s just us.” Han’s eyes began to fill with tears. He had seen this before. Horrifying dreams, confusion, it all happened when Ben was this age. Dark forces had reached into their lives and ripped one child away from him already. Though there was no physical wound, sending Ben away left a searing hole in his heart. The loss permeated his entire life, it was a heavy weight which made moving forward impossible. He saw the realization hit Breha, and he pulled her close just as his tears welled over.

“The darkness, the screams, it’s him. He’s trying to get in my mind too.” She squeezed her father and sobbed. This was always a possibility. Breha was sixteen now, and while she had not displayed force sensitivity yet, her pedigree was still worth something. Ben had begun showing signs of force sensitivity long before sixteen, but it was not until this age that the shadows were cast over his mind. Han and Leia lived in fear that their daughter would also become a target. After sending Ben to study with Luke they whisked Breha away from all public life, attempted to hide her from galaxy, so she would not suffer the same fate. Apparently, it wasn’t working.

Han slyly wiped away tears to conceal his fear from Breha and let her go. He sat next to her on the bed silently for a few minutes while her breathing slowed. Both of their minds were racing, but neither could form the words that made sense of the situation. Han’s eyes flicked to the chrono on Breha’s night table and realized the late hour. “Breha, you should go back to sleep, it’s late.”

“You expect me to go back to sleep!” She brayed in astonishment.

Han felt embarrassed. Usually his instincts were sharp, but as a parent, he often missed the mark. “I’m sorry.”

“So, what are we going to do about this?” Breha’s eyes narrowed in determination. Her tenacity was burning fire within her, even from a young age. The traits Han admired in his children, he always credited to Leia. She was pure magic, and Han was just a scoundrel.

Han took a deep breath in and out through his nose slowly, the calamity of what happened with Ben turning in his mind. He couldn’t let Breha go too. “Well, I don’t know.”

 

Just as the sun was rising, a protocol droid walked into Breha’s bedroom, where Han was sunken into an armchair. Breha was sound asleep now, after several fitful hours attempting to stay awake her eyes finally lost their battle not more than a half hour earlier.

“Sir, a holo from General Organa.” The droid startled Han who had drifted. He was dazed and the reference to his wife as general almost went over his head. Damn droids.

“I’d better take that in the other room,” Han struggled out of the chair and moved into the hallway then into an office across from it. Rather than settle into a chair and risk dozing off, Han elected to stand. “Go ahead”

Leia’s blue image lit up the room. Even though they were rendered in blue, his wife’s deep brown eyes projected all the care and love in the world. Improved holos hardly flickered anymore, and the effect was unsettling in Han’s opinion. Despite this being a frequent mode of communication for them, Han knew it didn’t really feel right to either of them. Their holo conversations were stilted, and not as affectionate as they should be. When they were away from each other for too long, Han craved Leia’s touch, her smell. “Han, what exactly is going on?”

Han described the events of the morning to his wife, whose mouth was set in a deep frown. “Once she finally described the dream, I knew we were really in trouble. She said she couldn’t make out much that was specific, but there was darkness, and fire, and screaming. She saw him, too.”

There was a long pause. “Oh dear.” Leia’s response failed to capture the scope of the situation. Him, was their son Ben. Or his name was Ben. Details were fuzzy, but word was he abandoned Luke’s Jedi order, killing several student’s in the process, and joined up with an unknown dark faction. He’d taken up a new name after all this, Kylo Ren. Leia could barely stand to think of how her baby boy had forsaken the name she had lovingly chosen for him. That name a memorial to a man the galaxy owed so much. Yet, she was somewhat graceful he was committing these sins under a different identity. It gave her hope that deep inside, Ben Solo could be saved.

“So…” Han began again carefully, “I just don’t know what to do.”

“I think there’s only one thing we can do.” Leia said resigned, “We have to hide her.”

“Hide her?” Han inquired.

“She’ll need a new identity and be somewhere she can lay low. As long as she’s Breha Solo, she will be in danger.”

“Okay.” That was all Han could muster, even this one word nearly broke Han. All he wanted to do was break down, and cry, and give up. But you can’t do that when you’re a parent, you have to keep moving forward. Besides, Leia was right, there was nothing they could do to keep Breha Solo safe. She would have to become someone else, somewhere else. Leia and Han gazed at each other for a long time, the weight of this decision building on their shoulders. They were sending their daughter away. The best way to keep her safe, was to let her go. It was painful, but Han and Leia couldn’t give in to that pain without being physically together. It would just be so much worse.

“I love you” Leia finally broke the silence.

“I know.” Han replied, resigned at first, but then adding a signature smirk at the end. It worked, Leia broke into a smile. That smile was Han’s most prized possession in the world. He treasured it in this moment, because he wasn’t sure how long until he would see it again given what they were about to do.

 

**Coruscant, First Order Capital, 36 ABY**

Breha had finally figured out how she would get to her brother, and unfortunately the plan included Poe Dameron. She was bitterly cognizant of the attraction Poe had for her, Breha knew the effect she had on men. Over the years, she learned she could get a man to do pretty much anything for her, so what was the point of breaking their hearts right away. 

Poe and Breha approached Coruscant in her freighter, slipping past inbound security with a cloaking device. The planet appeared so different from when Breha had last seen it. It used to be a bustling metropolis, always full of life no matter the time of day. The people of Coruscant were boisterous, and sported all manner of eclectic apparel, representing a diverse community drawn in from across the galaxy. Now, as the First Order capital, it was a ghost of its former glory. The people of the city wore First Order issue uniforms, and the vast majority were human.

“There, that’s the building I need” Breha pointed, and Poe changed course. Breha was hesitant about him piloting her ship, but for the plan to work he had to be at the controls. Breha approached the drop doors in the floor of the freighter.

“You’re sure this will work?” Poe shouted back to her in a tone of disbelief. When Breha told him the plan, he looked dumbstruck. She always took joy in people’s disbelief in her daredevil plans.

“Not a doubt in my mind.” Breha smiled.

Poe maneuvered the cloaked ship a few dozen meters over the tall building. He hovered his finger over the drop button that would open the trap doors, and muttered “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Then Poe punched the button. The trap doors opened, and a gust of air burst in to the ship. Breha looked back, gave him a nod, then jumped out of the doors. The moment she jumped Poe uncloaked the ship, and sirens bellowed from the building. Almost instantaneously TIE fighters emerged from the side of the building. Poe shifted the ship, and now the chase was on.

Breha flew through the air toward the top of the building. Unfortunately, she was slightly off target. Her mind raced figuring out how to reach the building safely. Breha closed her eyes, then breathed deeply to focus her mind. A gust of wind pushed her closer to the roof, but still not quite on the mark. Her momentum slowed slightly. She threw her legs forward and was pulled several feet closer toward the building, but she missed the roof. Breha stretched her hands out and just managed to grasp the edge of the roof by her fingertips.

Using all the muscle she had, Breha pulled herself up on to the ledge and flung her body over it. She rolled onto the flat rooftop, her momentum carrying her several feet away from the ledge. As soon as she came to a stop, she made eye contact with one of the guards in a small security room who was already speaking into his communicator, likely alerting other guards of her presence. She thrust her arm forward, palm upward, and slowly curled her fingers into a fist. The guard’s communicator was crushed in his hand, and he stared at Breha in horror.

Seconds later a half dozen guards, better equipped than the one stationed in the rooftop security room, burst through a door on the other end of the roof. A few of them rushed Breha, while others prepared to fire their blasters. Breha drew her blaster, then her lightsaber, smirking at the suddenly terrified guards. With a push of a button the lightsaber was ignited, and Breha was bathed in purple light. She used her lightsaber to block the blaster shots directed toward her, while she shot her blaster at the guards who were rushing her. One by one they fell to the ground, as Breha expertly shot each of them.

Once all the guards who had entered the roof were down, Breha turned to the guard in the security box. He was quivering at what he had just witnessed, and he held his hands up in defeat. Breha shrugged at him and mouthed, “Sorry.”

Breha swept her arm forward and a gust of wind broke the glass of the security box, then she shot him. Breha ran to the door the guards had just entered through and locked it. She turned and marveled at the scene. It would be horrific to anyone else, but Breha’s blaster was set to stun. The men would wake up confused a few hours later. Breha grabbed the communicators off all the guards and chucked them off the roof. Now they would have quite the time getting back into the building.

Breha’s heart was pounding, adrenaline swirling through her veins. She took a moment to gather her wits, breathing deeply in and out for a few moments until her heartbeat slowed. Then Breha closed her eyes and focused her energy. She could feel powerful force energy spiking several stories below, it had to be Ben. She could also sense that he was surrounded by several people. Breha crouched and focused. She wasn’t certain, but she could guess based on the latent force energy that the chambers just below her belonged to her brother.

Breha scampered to the side of the roof and looked down. The building was several hundred meters tall. She could hardly see the street below from up here. Despite, hanging off the edge just minutes ago, Breha felt an intense surge of fear. Again, she closed her eyes and focused herself.

Breha climbed onto the edge and placed her hands firmly on it. Then she flung her legs down, and she unhooked her lightsaber. Breha pushed the lightsaber through the glass, and started to move it in a large circle melting the glass. When the circle was finished, she kicked the glass out. Breha angled her feet into the hole, and launched her body through it. Breha moved both arms upward and the glass floated back into the hole and she ran a finger along the perimeter to seal it back together.

She looked out the window and saw Poe shot down one of the TIE Fighters. Breha reached down for her communicator, “You can lose them, Dameron. I’m in.”

After a moment, the communicator crackled back, “Easier said than done.”

Breha watched her freighter slice through the sky and shrink into the horizon. “Miss, are you supposed to be here?”

A small voice sounded from the other side of the room. She had been too preoccupied watching the fight to notice that someone had entered the quarters. Breha turned and saw a woman, younger than herself, outfitted in First Order garb standing at the entranceway. Her clothing had no ornamentation, Breha surmised that she must be a civilian.

Breha reached a hand out and pulled the woman over to her. She directed fierce eyes toward the woman. With a swipe of the hand Breha said, “You will leave this room and tell no one about me.”

The woman straightened up, “I will leave this room and tell no one about you.”

With the turn of her heel, the woman left the room. _That was close._

 

**Hosnian Prime, 20 ABY**

“What the kriff was that!” Ben exclaimed, once he and Leia made it to their transport. They boarded into the back, and the pilot speed off, as if she had been warned of the situation beforehand.

“Language!” Leia shouted, Ben raised an incredulous eyebrow, _as if she hasn’t said worse right in front of me._ Leia finally let go of Ben’s hands which she had held onto tightly as she whisked him out of the building and into the transport. “I’m sorry, Ben. I should have known they would try to find something to use against me. I just didn’t think that they would stoop as low as baseless accusations.”

“Are they seriously going to investigate me in connection with the attacks?” The hearing wound Ben up, and he sat wringing his hands.

“They might try, but I don’t think Mon Motha will let it happen.” Leia’s eyes couldn’t conceal her doubt. Ben’s stomach turned as he leaned back in his seat trying to relax. There was little time for quiet in Leia and Ben’s world, so now as they sat resolutely considering the implications of the hearing the silence was heavy. Ben resented the calm purr of their sleek transport’s engine for not filling his ears with distraction. He longed to be with his father racing his deafening fleet, a rare feeling for Ben.

 

That night, Ben was restless, his mind still occupied with the ridiculous events of the hearing. He laid in bed aimlessly picking at the blue paint on the wall until a large white splotch appeared, and his bed was littered with paint chips. The bed offering no escape from his fears, Ben decided a walk outside might calm him. Slipping on his least fussy shoes, and shrugging a coat on over his pajamas, Ben walked out into the crisp night air. While Hosnian Prime was always buzzing, Ben had been listless in bed for long enough that the city had quieted somewhat.

As Ben made his way through the city blocks, past people who’d enjoyed a few too many drinks or groups laughing heartily, he wondered what their lives might be like. These people who were free to be alive on their own terms, instead of being a political pawn. Would Ben ever be able to laugh and love freely? Was the life he led worth it?

Ben had been raised by parents in a constant state of paranoia. They tried to hide their insecurities and fears from their children but had not been very successful. Even as a small child, Ben had a sense that his parents were broken. As he grew older, he realized the scars the war had left may never heal.

Han and Leia had similar approaches to assuage their suffering. They both threw themselves into work. Han utilized his scoundrel skills to build up a successful shipping company, and to combat boredom he lead racing fleets in the Five Sabers. Meanwhile, Leia was desperately legislating in the hope the galaxy would never see the likes of the Empire again. Being the elder sibling, Ben was frequently whisked away with his mother, her hopes that he would follow in her footsteps apparent.

Yet her aspirations left Ben feeling crushed like a bug under the heavy boot of the Senate. From under that boot, Ben saw the ugly side of New Republic politics. Innocent people fell through the ever-widening gap between the Senate’s two factions. Ben was enraged by the lack of discipline the Senate showed in letting these people suffer. He wanted so badly to destroy the pettiness that infected the Senate. Perhaps, he would follow in his mother’s footsteps after all…

Ben’s thoughts reaching the pinnacle of their darkness, he rounded the corner of a dimly lit road in one of the quieter parts of Hosnian Prime. He’d been in such a trance that he’d not noticed someone was in front of him, and his thoughts were broken with an inelegant collision.

“Funny meeting you here.” As Ben raised his eyes to meet hers his heart sank. It was the woman from the party.

Ben’s body tensed, and he protested, “What do you –“ Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deciding the color of Breha's lightsaber was so hard for me, and at first I didn't want to go for a purple one because it felt obvious, but ultimately decided that it fit her personality best. 
> 
> I think I'll be posting updates about every two weeks or so. I wish I had the time to write fic all the time, but alas I have a very busy job, so I work on it when I can. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Chrono](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Chronometer)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a week earlier than expected, yay! I've been loving writing this story, and I so appreciate you reading it! Check out my [Tumblr](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/) for cover art and updates. I'm also working on a playlist to go along with this fic. My song recs for this chapter are Symmetry by Wye Oak and Run by Josh Groban. 
> 
> Next update should be coming within the next two weeks. Happy reading!!

**Coruscant, First Order Capital 36 ABY**

Not appearing bored in military strategy meetings is an art, and Kylo was not sure he’d mastered it yet. He could feel his gaze drooping, as if he were powerless against the urge to tune out anything General Hux said. Kylo brought a hand to his chin, telegraphing interest in whatever nonsense Hux was spouting today, and was reminded that he needed to shave. After all, the Supreme Leader must always have a pristine appearance, or so his advisors often reminded him. Despite the best efforts of an entourage that Kylo detested, his appearance these days was far from pristine. The beleaguered leader’s lack of sleep and time had left him with dark eyes, unkempt hair, and persistent stubble.

Kylo had thought leadership would bring him peace, that fighting against the New Republic, the Resistance, would free him from the bonds of a political existence. His days as Supreme Leader were more fraught than ever. Kylo felt as if his bonds were even tighter, and freedom was like a fleeting shadow on a sunny day. The First Order had ostensibly won power, and defeated the Resistance, whose numbers were so small they were in hiding. _Mostly._ The strike on Vodran had been a stark reminder that the First Order could not take their power for granted. Yet, it had been little over a week without another strike and First Order generals again dismissed the threat of the Resistance. Kylo knew better, every day the Resistance still had members, had hushed support across the galaxy, he lost. The only thing left to do was forge ahead with governing the galaxy and continue conquering every last piece.

The man who had offered his hand to Rey, who believed he could leave it all behind and start anew had long faded into a pessimistic leader. Looking into her warm amber eyes made him hopeful for what would come, but she walked away. Now Kylo had no hope. He was trapped in a system he had created, yet no longer had faith in. Kylo often wondered what his life would be like now if Rey had taken up his offer. Would they be off traveling the galaxy together? Did he dare imagine if they settled down somewhere and lived a quiet life?

Kylo was pulled away from his churning thoughts by General Hux loudly clearing his throat. “Sir, what action should we take?”

His military advisors had been debating what the appropriate response to a small uprising on some insignificant planet should be. The conclusion was always the same. “Burn it down, kill all who resist. The others should be separated and sent to planets where their skills will serve the Supremacy.”

Kylo sounded almost bored as he ordered for these atrocities. He had no other recourse at this point. Hux’s eyebrow shot up, “Very well, sir. Does this conclude these proceedings?”

“We have been at it long enough, don’t you think?” Kylo shot him a look of derision. Kylo was well aware of General Hux’s distaste for him, but without his resources the First Order would be nothing. Theirs was a tense relationship, a contemptuous struggle for power that only stayed amicable for the sake of the Supremacy.

“Very well then, this matter is closed.” Hux seethed authoritatively. Kylo rose before everyone else and rushed out of the room. He went to his office, just down the hall from the briefing room. Most of his waking hours were spent in these rooms lately. The low lighting in his office was cave-like, the room dominated by grey and black. A massive command setup dominated the room, emitting a low hum. Kylo shut the heavy door and leaned over the viewscreen.

Kylo still had Rey on his mind, he begrudged how much time he spent thinking about that lowly scavenger. If his generals knew how little of his attention the First Order actually received, they would be furious. How had this girl from nowhere, who was no one, be so important? As he often did Kylo pulled up the recording of them in the elevator before entering Snoke’s throne room. He had managed to corrupt the file everywhere else but his own systems before anyone else witnessed it. The safest action would have been destroying it completely, but Kylo couldn’t bring himself to do it.

_“You will not bow before Snoke, you’ll turn. I’ll help you”_

How often he had mulled over her words these last two years, he was uncertain. He had viewed the footage so many times, listened to their words so often that he didn’t really hear them anymore. Kylo just stared, transfixed. Her face always betrayed her emotions, she concealed nothing. Kylo had seen her teeth gritted in fury, her eyes burning with compassion, her lip quivering with vulnerability.

Kylo abruptly turned the video off and took a deep cleansing breath. Whatever he felt for Rey, it didn’t matter, they were in a stalemate. He sat down in his desk chair and looked over various reports, resisting the temptation to turn the video back on.

Eventually Kylo had run out of work to delay the inevitable night of restless sleep ahead of him. Every evening he dreaded retiring to bed, as there was no running away from his thoughts there. Wrestling with his internal demons was an inescapable side effect of the path he had taken.  Sluggishly he made his way to the elevator, a sensor verifying his identity before transporting him up to his private suite on the top floor of the capital building.

The Supreme Leader’s suite was much more lavish than suited Kylo, with deep red curtains made of the finest vine-silk and jet-black arm chairs covered in Kova leather. The suite’s high ceilings made Kylo feel small, and the view from the tall windows reminded him how insignificant he truly was among the millions he looked upon. The finery of the suite was meant to be a statement of the power and vast reach of the First Order, but truly it was a showcase of vanity.

As Kylo stepped out of the elevator into his suite, he sensed something was off. He could feel that someone unfamiliar had made their way in, though he had thought that impossible. He drew his lightsaber from his belt and took slow tentative steps into the room. There was an odd energy signature to this person, he thought they may also be using the force to sense him. But it couldn’t be Rey, he would have recognized her force signature. He focused on the energy and could feel their energy emanating from one of the armchairs, though it confounded him why the intruder had not moved. From behind the chair he raised his lightsaber up to strike. He was pleased one of the wretched armchairs would be a casualty.

As Kylo ignited then brought his saber down, a hand flew up holding a lightsaber. Near instantaneously, the lightsaber activated and blocked his thrust. Then it’s wielder arose from the chair, their lightsabers still connected.

“Nice way to greet your sister.” The woman in front of him grinned. Kylo closely examined her, the two of them standing still, lightsabers buzzing. She was tall and fit, outfitted in clothes befitting an outlaw. Her features were sharp, but they were unmistakable. The mischievous crooked grin and blue eyes burning through him intensely were certainly those of his sister. If there was any doubt, her huge mass of wild dark curls was Breha’s dead giveaway. Kylo glared at her dumbstruck, unsure how he should react to this peculiar reunion. “What? Nothing to say after all these years?”

Kylo lifted his lightsaber away from Breha’s and made a hasty slash. She blocked this movement and used the momentum to flick his lightsaber away. Then as Kylo tried to bring the lightsaber down she blocked him and their lightsabers were above their heads. Breha drew a blaster from her jacket and held it to Kylo’s chest.

“I was really hoping we could do this peacefully.” She sassed, her eyebrow lifting.

Kylo swore though gritted teeth, “What exactly is it we’re meant to be doing?”

“See, I broke into the headquarters of the strongest military force in the galaxy and then snuck up on the fiercest warrior in a generation, because I wanted a chat.” Kylo tentatively lifted his lightsaber away from Breha’s and extinguished the blade. He moved his hands downward slowly, then secured his saber to his belt. Breha lowered her blaster and turned off her lightsaber, then sheathed them both inside pockets of her long vest. Kylo gestured toward one of the arm chairs, somewhat disappointed he’d lost the opportunity to destroy one, and Breha took a seat.

“You’re clearly not here to just catch up, why did you break into my home then?” Kylo sat opposite Breha, tension still hanging in the air.

Breha smiled at him, “Really that’s your first question to your sister, that you haven’t seen in over ten years? Aren’t you curious what I’ve been up to?”

“I left that life behind long ago. I feel more kinship toward one of my guards.” Kylo was stern, but Breha was unmoved. Her stare was unrelenting. Kylo leaned back in his chair, “Besides, this hasn’t exactly been a typical reunion.”

“I guess I could have knocked.” Breha’s body language changed, and she also relaxed into her chair.

Kylo half grinned, “That wouldn’t have gone well either.”

They were silent for a moment, their light banter exhausted.

“I assume you’re working for the resistance now. Is this some sort of assassination attempt?”

“If this were an assassination attempt you would be dead already.” Breha’s face was stone. Kylo didn’t doubt her. The girl he grew up with was clever and moved lithely, she’d be the perfect assassin.

It hadn’t even occurred to Kylo until this moment that it was odd his sister was armed with a lightsaber. As they were growing up she showed no proficiency with the force. He suspected that with the passage of time they were little more than perfect strangers sitting across from each other. “If you aren’t here to kill me, what does the Resistance think you can get out of me?”

“I’m not working for the Resistance.” Breha’s tone was genuine.

Kylo wondered if she wasn’t with the Resistance what she’d been doing all these years. Her arms were toned and had several scars of varying ages. She’d certainly been fighting somewhere. “No? Then what after all these years brings you here?”

“Mom.”

“I thought you weren’t working for the Resistance.?”

“I’m not”

“Leia Organa is the Resistance.” Kylo practically growled this. His mother was inextricably tied to that band of murderers and thieves.

Breha rolled her eyes, “I’ve spent the last ten years in Wild Space fending for myself. Your petty little war has barely entered my consciousness.”

There was a long silence. Kylo had become increasingly aware of his insignificant place in the war. No one he was typically surrounded by would dare question the war, or his place in it. Breha’s distance from it all was like a breath of fresh air.

“Mom is dying.” Breha’s words hit Kylo like a railspeeder. When he thought he’d killed Leia during the assault on the _Raddus_ cruiser he felt immense grief and pain. Kylo resented this weakness inside him, this fondness for his biological family. Even still, the thought of his mother dying caused a searing pain in Kylo’s chest. “She has a lot of regrets. I think she wants to make amends.”

“I have nothing to say to Leia Organa.” Kylo spat, bolting forward in his chair. Breha was unfazed.

“She forgives you, Ben.”

Kylo stood, enraged. He shouted, “that is not my name!” _Ben Solo._ He was weak and foolish. Ben Solo was not strong enough to bring peace and order to the galaxy. Kylo Ren was the rightful heir to Lord Vader’s legacy.

“Yes, it is!” Breha leapt from her seat, nearly matching Kylo in height. She stood just inches from Kylo, her chin raised slightly and eyes glaring directly into his. In his eyes she saw the same sad boy she’d grown up with. To her he hadn’t changed at all. She softened her gaze and relaxed her body. “Ben… I know that there is still good in you. I know that deep inside, you’re still Ben Solo. You’re still my brother. And I love you, no matter what.”

Kylo was steadfast, remaining in a posture of intimidation, “I left Ben Solo behind for good when I rid this world of Han Solo.”

At the mention of their father Breha flinched. For a moment she was angry at her brother all over again. It would be easy for her to overtake him, here and now, and to avenge her father’s murder. Yet, that anger faded quickly. Breha tentatively reached a hand to her brother’s face, Kylo flinched away at first. He held still when she persisted and gently stroked the scar on his cheek. Her touch on his scar made Kylo want to crumble to the floor, _the deed split your spirit to the bone._ Snoke's words haunted Kylo to this day. Breha took a deep breath and lowered her hand.

“I don’t know what it is yet, but I believe that our father’s death happened for a reason. I have faith in the Force.” A calm washed over Breha’s face. Her father’s death was painful, but she believed it served a greater purpose.

“Breha, you don’t understand.” Kylo turned away, his shoulders hunched with shame. “I’ve done horrible things. I’ve murdered hundreds, ordered the murder of thousands. I’m not a good person.”

“We abandoned you!” Breha grabbed Kylo’s shoulder to turn him around. She needed to look into her brother’s eyes as she confessed her guilt. “When you needed family most, we sent you off. We didn’t listen, we didn’t give you love. How could we have expected anything else? We’re your family, we should have understood.”

“And you didn’t.” Kylo’s brows furrowed, and his breath quickened. The rage of his abandonment building inside him. “I was a pawn in Leia’s game, and it was killing me. Snoke used my talents for something greater.”

“Snoke is dead,” Breha spat his name with fierce vitriol. “You killed him, Ben. You don’t have to believe his lies anymore.”

Breha’s face was soft, pleading with Kylo to believe her. “Snoke gave me purpose.” Kylo turned away from her facing the window and gestured to his capital. “I have a place in this galaxy that means more than anything Leia Organa could have given me.”

“But you’re so alone. There is no one here who truly cares about you. You are a means to an end for them. They’ll dispose of you when they don’t need you anymore.” Breha’s voice was practically a whisper, she was losing hope. “Ben, I still believe there is good in you. I forgive you for everything, and I want to help you.”

Kylo’s fury was waning, he turned back around to face his sister. He studied her face. Breha’s eyes had a deep melancholy that wasn’t there when they were growing up. He expected his eyes reflected the same. There was still a sweetness to her expression, something he hadn’t seen for some time. Not a trace of fear or anger were detectable. She really had forgiven him. “But you were so angry at me?”

“Yes! I was angry. I was a child, I didn’t understand. I didn’t know that you were being manipulated.” Breha took a breath and stepped closer to Kylo. She grabbed his upper arms gently.  “I thought it was your fault. That you were the reason our family was torn apart, that I was hidden away. Yes, I was angry with you. But I didn’t understand. I feel so guilty, I can hardly look at you. I should have been there for you. I don’t know what to do.” Breha broke into tears and collapsed into her brother’s arms.

“I don’t know either.” Kylo’s eyes watered, and he gripped his sister tightly, her desperate sobs filling the suite. She was in pain because she cared so much about him. Kylo wanted to mock her, to show her that her affection was a weakness. Instead, his tears ran over, and he held Breha tighter, feeling like he’d never stopped being her big brother. This powerful stranger had melted into his vulnerable little sister, and Kylo wanted nothing more than for her to be happy.

“I’ll do it.” Kylo said quietly, after a long moment.

“What?” Breha looked up into her brother’s eyes in disbelief.

“Seeing mother.” Kylo broke their embrace. “It’s the right thing to do. I should give her some peace.”

Breha broke into a smile, and embraced her brother once again, this time with joy. Breha had no delusions that this meant anything about the war, that was inconsequential. Bringing peace to her family was what mattered.

“But I need something else.”

They paused. This phrase stoked with meaning which others may not have caught, but his cunning sister could read him easily. “The Jedi girl? She has something to do with all of this, doesn’t she? I sensed something strange there.”

“You’ve met Rey?” His eyes widened with curiosity.

Breha’s expression filled with mischief. “Mhmm. She told me everything.”

“I need to see her.” Kylo said soberly, suppressing the urge to interrogate Breha about what exactly _everything_ meant.

Breha cocked an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Kylo paused and gave his sister a look of exasperation, “Her connection to the Force intrigues me.”

“Sure,” Breha shrugged and that familial half-grin stretched across her cheek.

Kylo’s shoulders slumped, and his fingers twitched. He looked self-conscious. “You may need to find some,” he gulped, “pretense to get her to come. I’m afraid she won’t want anything to do with it if she’s aware of my involvement.”

“Oh, so now I’m lying for you” Breha teased.

“Isn’t it a family trait?” Kylo’s eyebrows lifted. Huh, a joke. It had been a while since he’d intentionally told one. “Besides, you’re not lying for _me_. The Force keeps pulling us together, I need to know why.”

Breha ran her tongue over her teeth as she considered this. When Rey had told Breha about the Force connection, she had wondered why the Force was pulling Rey and Ben together. Perhaps her brother was not meant to be this war machine and the Force was trying to pull him back to the light. Breha could only hope.

“Well?” Kylo cajoled. Breha had spent too long thinking.

“Okay,” Breha threw her hands up in defeat. “I’ll figure something out to get her to come along. But you seriously owe me.”

Kylo glared intensely, “is that so?”

“Well, maybe not. I suppose you’ve been through enough.” She paused, and added with an eye roll, “But so have I.”

Kylo released his breath and looked almost relaxed for the first time since they had reunited. “Thank you.” 

 

 

When Breha left, and Kylo was alone once again. He didn’t want to think about the deal they had just struck, or in fact that he had just reunited with a sister that he had sworn off long ago. Kylo poured himself a glass of deep amber Corellian whiskey and sipped it judiciously while sitting in one of those luxurious armchairs. 

Kylo had just talked to his sister, about their mother. A family he had forsaken years ago, and yet that conversation just happened. Kylo gulped his whiskey more quickly as his thoughts worn on. He wondered if he had truly left Ben Solo behind. He had _killed_ his father, surely that act was enough to show that he was no longer tied to his blood family. Still they kept coming back.

So, who was Kylo Ren, and how was he different from Ben Solo? Did he have room to ponder these things when he sat there as Supreme Leader of the First Order Empire? Shame rolled over him. Despite his best efforts, he had always been a puppet in someone else’s game. Now was no different. He was the face of the First Order, not because he was truly responsible for their supremacy, but because his reign was a good story. Heir to Vader, ruling over the empire his grandfather never perfected.

No matter how hard he tried, Kylo couldn’t control the narrative. His heart ached. How he wished he could walk away from it all. That was impossible though. Whatever the outcome of the war, If Kylo left the First Order he was convinced he would either be hunted until the end of his days, or with his head on a spike.

Just when Kylo had reached the bottom of his third glass, and simultaneously the bottom of his despair, he felt an odd warping in his mind. Suddenly his field of vision was filled with an unfamiliar place, somewhere rusted and dustworn, yet clean and orderly. Then popping into his vision was Rey, sweating with a grease smudge on her cheek. She was doing maintenance on a ship. Her eyes met Kylo’s and they were startled.

“Are you doing this?” Her expression half angry, and half genuinely confused.

“I don’t know. No,” Kylo slurred. “I think it just happened.”

“Are you drunk?” Rey said in disbelief.

“Uhh, possibly.” Kylo inspected his half full glass of whiskey. “Better than whatever swill you were downing a few days ago.” He looked pathetic, his deep brown eyes confessing the pain that he wouldn’t. Truthfully, Kylo frequently drowned his sorrows in whiskey or other intoxicating beverages.

“Why does this keep happening?” The anger in Rey’s voice had melted away, as she stared into those desperate eyes.

“Maybe,” Kylo took a long breath and winced, his eyes glistening, “because I need you.”

Rey scoffed, “how could I possibly help you?”

There was a long silence, Rey and Kylo’s eyes never left each other. Kylo gulped, “I wish we could go back, that things could be different.”

“Well, they’re not.” Rey snipped, tears beginning to form in her eyes as well. She had often thought the exact same thing, but wouldn’t dare admit that to Kylo.

“I just –“ A single tear rolled down Kylo’s cheek, “I don’t know what the point is anymore.” _Not without you_ he thought but didn’t have the courage to voice.

“Was there ever a point? To murdering thousands across the galaxy?” Rey’s nostrils flared.

“The New Republic was a lawless abomination!” Kylo shouted out. He composed himself, “It was inefficient, people were dying anyway, something had to be done.”

Rey pursed her lips, “it’s long gone now, you don’t have to worry about the New Republic anymore.”

The tension hung in the air. This was an argument neither of them would win. Rey took a step toward Kylo, and spoke slowly, “what exactly were you offering me after you killed Snoke?”

“I – I don’t know.” He stuttered.

“Yes, you do!” She pushed.

He inhaled deeply. “It was – Impulsive, I just – fighting with you, being near you, I didn’t want it to end. I wanted you by my side.”

“And what?” Rey crossed her arms tightly across her chest, “watch you take over the galaxy by force?”

“No. I think you would make things different.” Kylo’s eyes were pleading. “Our union would change things.”

“Union! What? Like marriage?” Rey’s mouth hung open.

“I don’t know, I guess. Maybe marriage isn’t the right word for it. Too formal, too _real_ and arranged. I was offering you,” He winced, “Ugh I can’t say these words to you.”

“What?” Rey uncrossed her arms.

“You walked away. You expect me to pour my heart out to you.” Kylo had imagined this conversation before, under better circumstances of course. Being half a galaxy away, on opposites sides of the war was not what Kylo had pictured. “I can’t tell you what I was feeling at that time. It’s too painful now.”

“Do you think it was easy for me to leave?” Rey’s voice was more tender now, yet there was an edge to it. Her eyes were so sad, they reminded Kylo of the loneliness he’d seen in her memories.

“Maybe.” Kylo’s insecurities were plain on his face. It seemed so easy for everyone when they left him. “The point is that you did leave. I was offering you everything, whatever you wanted, and you didn’t take it. I offered you me.”

There was a long silence. Kylo realized they had been unconsciously moving toward each other, and now they were centimeters apart. Rey tested the bounds of their connection, hesitantly placing her hands on his chest. Kylo was surprised to feel her hands were resting there, as if they were actually standing next to each, rather than systems away. Her touch was velvet and intoxicating. Rey nestled onto his chest, her head resting just over his heart. Kylo tried to stay calm but was sure Rey could feel his rapid heartbeat. He pulled his arms around her, one hand around her waist, the other between her shoulder blades.

Mere hours ago, he’d held his sobbing sister. Now Rey. These brilliant, powerful, strong, clever women were broken. And Kylo was sure he was to blame.

Rey sobbed, “You wanted me to be by your side while you destroyed everything, I couldn’t do that.”

“I’ve been so wrong about everything.” Kylo’s grip tightened on Rey, afraid that she would be ripped away from him at any moment. “But I can’t stop it.”

Rey lifted her chin to look Kylo directly in his eyes. Her eyes were glistening with tears. “Maybe you’re the only one who can.”  _Maybe._ The only thing they could count on was maybe. Kylo leaned down and placed his lips on Rey’s forehead, lingering there. Rey raised her arms up and draped them over Kylo’s shoulders. Kylo placed his cheek on her forehead and closed his eyes. Rey caressed his hair. They were at peace.

Then their connection was broken. Kylo and Rey were thrown back into their respective spaces, and Kylo fell to his knees. A guttural cry escaped him and he doubled over fists on the floor breathless.  He stayed in this posture, his breathing uneven at first. He composed himself enough to rise from the floor after a few minutes. Kylo slunk to his bedroom, stripped off his clothes, and curled up in his crimson sheets. The effects of the alcohol were strong, and combined with the exhaustion of the evening’s emotional conversations Kylo drifted to sleep quickly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Kova Leather](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kova_leather)   
>  [Vine Silk](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Vine-silk)   
>  [Rail Speeder](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Railspeeder)   
>  [Raddus Cruiser](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Raddus_\(MC85_Star_Cruiser\))
> 
> Soooo I screwed up! When I first posted this instead of Kylo kissing Rey's forehead, I somehow missed typing the word 'forehead', and thus their kiss on the lips happened way earlier in the story than I planned. This is me retconning in the name of more careful editing in the future. Sorry y'all!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! It's been a month and half since I last posted! Things have very busy at work, but let's pop that proverbial champagne because your girl is about to start one full time job instead of juggling 4 part time ones!!! Thank you again for reading, and check out my [tumblr](http://geekgarbagehq.tumblr.com/) for updates, and my chapter covers. I'm still fine tuning my playlist for this fic, if there are any songs you think are particularly reylo let me know in the comments! Song recs for this chapter are Blue by Joni Mitchell and Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith. 
> 
> Happy reading!

**Unknown, 20 ABY**

Ben’s eyes slowly opened as he awoke. Harsh artificial light shined brightly in his eyes leaving him dazed. A consistent vibration jostled him where he lay, the metal walls around him had a rusty patina. Ben guessed he was on a ship. The woman had kidnapped him. As Ben propped himself up on his elbows, he felt wires on his arm snag. He was hooked up to an archaic machine monitoring his vital signs. Ben was looking around the room for any clues what this woman might want, when the door opened.

“Morning sleepy head.” She was leaned up against the wall, sporting a cheeky smile. Her clothes were all black except a red sash around her waist. A hood covered her head, but her hair was pulled forward, its red hue striking against the dark tunic. She didn’t look like anyone Ben had ever seen before.

Ben scrunched up his face, “And who’s fault is it that I was out cold?”

“Sorry about that, I couldn’t risk you getting away again.”

“If you’d just asked, I might have gone with you.” Her eyebrows perked up. Ben gestured to the machine he was hooked to, “So concerned about me, and yet I don’t even know your name.”

“Do you need to?” She chuckled as she leaned forward and began to pull one of the wires off Ben’s arm. Ben grabbed her arm and pulled her in closer, their faces inches away from each other.

“We keep running into each other.” He said menacingly. Ben wasn’t sure what had come over him, he nearly lost his nerve because it felt so unlike himself to be threatening.

The woman pulled her arm out of Kylo’s grasp, her warm expression now frozen over, “Cheriss Kelar.”

Ben pulled the other wire off his arm, “That’s an unusual name.”

“What were you expecting?” Cheriss said.

“I don’t know what to expect from you.” Ben tried to sit up, but as he started to move his head throbbed.

“Good.” She strode out of the room without another word. Cheriss seemed to purposely make herself an enigma. Ben took inventory of what he knew to be true about the events occurring. Cheriss told him that there were many people interested in his powers. She assassinated several powerful senators. Then weeks later, she kidnapped Ben. It occurred to Ben that she may have assassinated those people and framed him so he couldn’t go home to Chandrila. He was more vulnerable on Hosnian Prime, much of his time spent alone. But how could she know these things? And more importantly, why did she need to?

Ben stood, the throbbing on his scalp intensifying, he took a moment to steady himself, then stormed out of the med bay. He maneuvered his way through the ship, holding onto the wall. Ben had spent so much time on a variety of starships that he easily found the cockpit, Cheriss sat in the captain’s chair monitoring the ship’s readings. Ben wasted no time, “Was abducting me from Hosnian Prime part of the plan?”

“Plan? You think this was planned?” Cheriss turned her chair to face Ben.

“Well, yeah.” Ben shrugged.

“I was charged with seducing you into coming with me.” Cheriss had a mischievous grin on her face, which widened as Ben’s cheeks blushed. “You couldn’t take a hint, so I knocked you over the head and dragged you into my ship instead.”

Ben was taken aback. Charged with seducing him? Cheriss was attractive, but whoever thought Ben would believe someone as painfully beautiful as her could be interested in him was sorely mistaken. “Uhhh well, you do realize you’ve taken a senator’s son from the capital?”

“Oh don’t worry,” Cheriss said, “you’ll be back by morning.”

Back by morning? Kidnapping him, and knowing you would return him in a few hours, Ben was lost. He wasn’t even sure what else to ask Cheriss. The situation was so baffling. Finally, he found the question he should ask, perhaps the most obvious one, “Where are we going?”

Cheriss laughed, “Oh wouldn’t you like to know!”

“Um… yes I would.” Ben said, “If you’re returning me in the morning, why does it need to be a secret?”

“I just love messing with you.” Cheriss said, Ben squinted at her. She relented, “We’re going to Dathomir, I doubt you know anything about it, Little Prince.”

Ben’s eye twitched, and he resolved to ignore her taunt, “Dathomir? Home of the Nightsisters, right? They were wiped out in the Clone Wars.”

“Not quite.” Grief was evident on Cheriss’ face, Ben had seen a similar pain on his mother’s face when she spoke of Alderaan. “Some of us managed to survive.”

 

As the ship glided toward Dathomir, Ben was in awe. He had seen holos of Dathomir, but nothing compared to the real thing. The planet glowed a brilliant shade of red. A red deep in color like blood, so incandescent that it was burning Ben’s eyes, yet he couldn’t look away. He felt energy stirring inside, igniting an unfamiliar strength. Ben could feel his anguish ease, the expectations of his family, of the galaxy, were lifted off his shoulders. He felt free.

“Incredible isn’t it?” Cheriss remarked as she lowered the ship into the atmosphere.

“What?” Ben tried to sound as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

“Dathomir’s energy. It fills you up, makes you feel capable of anything. Accesses the true power within you.” Her face relaxed, she looked peaceful. “Whenever I’ve been away, as I come back the energies make me feel like a new person.”

Cheriss brought the ship in for a smooth landing, and Ben marveled at the land around them. The soil was a brighter red than the aura the planet emits, and the plants in the swamp land were brilliant green. It was as if Dathomir breathed invigorating energy into every living thing around. Ben felt the blood coursing through his veins like a herd of Kath Hounds. His muscles tensed with the urge to test this power.

“Welcome to my home, Ben Solo.” Cheriss beamed, her pride on full display. She bounded from her seat to the door. When the door opened, she practically danced out of the ship. “Oh, Ben, I’ve been away for so long. I’m so happy you are finally here.”

“Finally?” He inquired as he followed her out of the ship. When he took his first step onto Dathomir, his boot harshly displacing the soil, he felt a jolt. He looked down at Cheriss’ feet and realized that she stepped so lightly she barely left a mark in the ground. Ben concentrated on feeling light. It was easy here. His body was so connected with his mind, Ben’s mind raced imagining what he might be capable of.  

“Oh yes!” Cheriss exclaimed, “We’ve been preparing a long time for your visit.”

Ben was perplexed, by Cheriss’ answer, but was so overcome with his surroundings, he didn’t inquire further. They weaved their way through the swamp, and eventually arrived at a huge fortified stone building. The stones were beautiful, brilliant gemstone colors. Ben doubted he had seen anything else so vibrant in his life. When he glanced at Cheriss, her skin looked luminescent.

Cheriss and Ben entered the fortress, and suddenly there were people everywhere, a whole city contained within the walls. Everyone bustling around had a similar appearance to Cheriss; grey skin, dark eyes, very physically fit.

Cheriss led Ben to a large door, and she spoke with a guard standing nearby. “Let him know, Cheriss Oppress has arrived with Ben Solo.”

 

**Resistance Base 36 ABY**

Leia was feeling better than usual this morning and was sitting up in bed, with Rey sitting on the end. Leia ran a manka bristle brush gently through Rey’s hair. This had become a ritual for them. As she admired Rey’s shiny strands, Leia mused that her diet on Jakku must have been truly meager if their military rations made this much impact.

They usually chit chatted about things without substance, desperately trying to find a semblance of peace. Leia was surprised when Rey turned her head looking at her with serious eyes, “Why didn’t you ask about what happened between me and Kylo on the Finalizer?”

Leia fought the urge to laugh, not wanting to embarrass Rey into silence. Her years of diplomacy had taught Leia that when there is sensitive information you want you don’t ask for it outright, you plant seeds and wait until they bloom, then you harvest without delay. An outside observer might think Rey’s outburst was unprompted, but truly Leia had been threading the needle for some time.

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.” Leia feigned nonchalance, and kept her hands working on Rey’s hair. It had grown since they had begun their ritual, now her hair was easier for Leia to style. Leia’s hands worked without thought, the familiar movements of each lock holding memories of Alderaan. Leia pulled Rey’s hair gently, putting that portion into a twist with a pin, deliberately moving Rey’s gaze to the wall. Leia figured if Rey wasn’t looking her in the eyes, she was less likely to lose her nerve.

“I don’t know how to describe it, but Kylo and I have a connection.” Leia’s eyebrows raised with interest despite the stirring in her stomach hearing the moniker. The false idendity that stole the name she so lovingly chose for her son. Rey’s shoulders were stiff, her trepidation evident. Leia put a hand on Rey’s arm, and felt some of her tension ease away. Rey continued slowly, “When I was on Ach-To, we would see each other, across the galaxy. We could talk to each other, and – I’m sorry I shouldn’t burden you with this.”

“You are never a burden Rey.” Leia let go of the piece of hair she was working on and pulled Rey’s shoulders to face her. The deep sadness and fear in Rey’s eyes made Leia’s heart ache. This girl, with so much potential, had been let down over and over. “There must be a reason the Force brought you and Ben together.”

She wouldn’t admit it, but Leia was dumbstruck at the revelation. Force users could feel each other’s energy, but she’d never heard of them connecting across the galaxy unaided. She stared in awe at the gentle, naïve girl in front of her. Rey seemed unaware of the deep power within her, power Leia couldn’t fathom, power which matched her son’s.

Rey’s eyes glistened, “I thought he could be saved, but he keeps holding on.”

“He doesn’t need to be saved.” Leia rubbed Rey’s shoulder, just barely maintaining her calm. It took so long for Leia to come to terms with her son’s actions. Leia turned Rey’s shoulders and resumed working with her hair. “Ben needs to save himself, that’s the only way he is coming back.”

 “I just don’t understand how Ben who had everything, a home, credits, a family,” Rey’s voice wavered, “threw it all away.”

“You’re right, Ben had a comfortable life, he _has_ family who loves him, and yet he was still seduced to the dark side.” Leia smoothed Rey’s hair with her hands. “Not everyone has the same journey Rey. By all rights and measures you should be the one terrorizing the galaxy. You are the one who deserves vengeance. Yours are the origins of a villain. Yet, my son who in my mind is still a happy curious little boy, has laid a path of destruction across the galaxy.”

Rey fell silent, her contemplation over Leia’s words creating a vacuum. Leia’s guilt came flooding back. Her family was held in the relentless grip of tragedy, and she feared they would never be free. When she witnessed her son’s torturous struggle against the darkness ensnaring his mind, Leia wondered if she should have had children at all. Knowing who her father was, she should have denied the evil infecting the galaxy the chance to create a new disciple.

“Do you think he can turn?” Rey’s hesitant question barely broke the silence.

Her vile, evil _father_ had turned. Darth Vader was redeemed. Why then, couldn’t her son?

“Hope has been the guiding light of my life.” Leia pinned the last loose section of hair into Rey’s bottom bun. Though they’d tried other hair styles, Leia always went back to putting Rey’s hair into her three buns. “All I can do is hope.”

 

 

**Coruscant, First Order Capital 36 ABY**

Kylo’s crusty eyes opened slowly once the daylight finally forced him to arise. He laid on his stomach, and he groggily lifted his head to look at the time. It was later than he was usually roused by some aide, who then swept him to some meaningless meeting. He was suspicious that he had been left alone this morning. This was lucky as he’d kicked off the sheet in the night and his chiseled buttocks were exposed to the world. Maybe some aide had come to rouse him, and then thought better of it upon sighting his bare derriere. Kylo might have succumbed to embarrassment, but at least it was better than if he were turned the other way.

As he sat up on the edge of his bed, he realized his dreams had left him with unwanted stiffness. Kylo was displeased with most aspects of his humanity, frustrated with maintaining the homeostasis of the organic meat sack that encased his consciousness. Yet this morning, Kylo welcomed the opportunity to fulfill his desire. He went to the fresher and set it to emit a musky scent that reminded him of Rey.

He leaned against the wall of the fresher and closed his eyes, feeling her body against his again. He’d been so starved not seeing her. Kylo growled, his desire burning through his veins. As he worked his length with one hand, he reached his other hand to hold the door of the fresher, steading himself. He felt lightheaded as finally reached his climax. Kylo breathed quickly through his mouth collapsing onto the floor of the fresher, the water falling over him like rain.

Kylo hung his head in shame. Rey was so pure. He was disgusted that he’d imagined her like that, debased her. She clearly wasn’t interested in him in that way, and yet he was still so enamored with her. Kylo was reminded of the interrogation on Starkiller Base, _you know I can take whatever I want._ His intimidation tactics were horrifying, he said those words and looked her up and down with hungry eyes. Every time Rey called him a monster echoed inside his head. He quickly finished washing himself, then readied himself for another miserable day as Emperor.

 

Kylo sat in yet another military strategy meeting, his generals bickering about some inconsequential planet. Their insufferable lust for power was nauseating. Kylo was often quiet in these meetings, usually only speaking up once a final decision was ready to be made. After the events of the previous night, he was feeling mischievous.

He loudly cleared his throat drawing the attention of his sniveling generals. “For what purpose exactly are we conquering this planet?”

“Sir, they are important in our Outer Rim trading strategy.” General Hux glared at Kylo.

“Haven’t we conquered enough? Shouldn’t we move to governing at some point?” Kylo raised an impish eyebrow.

Hux took in a deep breath through his mouth, “Spreading loyalty to the First Order across the galaxy is our mandate.”

“Yes, of course, but why must it all be achieved by force?” Kylo said. “Wouldn’t it be better to show the galaxy that being loyal to the First Order is beneficial to their people?”

“We’re showing them that not being loyal to the First Order has grave consequences.” Hux’s irritation becoming more evident.

“Perhaps, shifting our focus will bring more success.” Kylo said.

“We have been successful,” Hux said, seething,” _sir.”_

“No, we’ve been mediocre.” Kylo leaned back in his chair. “It shouldn’t have taken us this long to get where we are. And these worlds aren’t loyal to us, they fear us. Fear is only powerful to the isolated. If factions join together, we’re done.”

“The Emperor has a point, sir.” General Aleane looked at Hux, eyebrows raised.

“An excellent point indeed.” A sickly grin spread across Hux’s face, “But existing factions must be extinguished in order to shift our strategy.”

“If we wait for every rebel to relinquish their arms,” Kylo said, “we will never govern.”

“We don’t need to silence every rebel, just those led by Leia Organa.” Hux looked smug, clearly thinking he’d found Kylo’s pressure point.

“Naturally.” Kylo sported a rogueish grin, refusing to back down. Kylo felt joyous as he walked out out of the room, this was the first time he felt good leaving one of these meetings in months. The point of everything he had done was to improve lives, now he finally had the opportunity to do it. He’d been emboldened seeing Rey again, his priorities were clear to him once again.

He practically skipped as he returned to his chambers. In the elevator on the way there, his vision faltered, and his joy increased as he smelled the dust and oil of Rey’s base. He was in her dark bedroom, gazing upon Rey quietly slumbering. She always looked so worried when Kylo saw her, but now her features were so gentle and at peace. He softly stepped closer to her, inhaling the smell of her room deeply. Kylo pulled off his leather glove and reached for Rey’s face. He stopped himself before touching her, not wanting to disturb her slumber.

Suddenly, Kylo felt a jolt of dark energy. She was laying their so vulnerable, the lynchpin to the continued existence of the Resistance. He could take her out right now, and so many of his problems would be solved. Kylo’s hand moved away from Rey and to his lightsaber.

In her slumber, Rey’s mouth twitched into a smile, and she quietly breathed, “ _Ben.”_ Kylo went stock still, every shred of vengeance melting away. She was dreaming of him, and she _smiled._ He knelt, and took her hand, which was rough from years of hard labor. He grasped her hand gently but wished for so much more. His eyes were moist as he watched her chest rise and fall with her breath.

Then the scene faded away, and he was back in the elevator. A tear rolled down Kylo’s cheek. He was desperately in love with this woman.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Dathomir](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Dathomir)   
>  [Nightsisters](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Nightsisters)   
>  [Kath Hound](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kath_hound)   
>  [Manka Cat](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Manka_cat)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurriedly posting this before work because I just couldn't wait to share it any longer!! I'm really pleased with this chapter, and I hope you will be too! Thanks for supporting me, I really appreciate comments, and would love to hear what you think.

**Resistance Base 36 ABY**

_“I felt a kick.” Ben smiled widely at Rey, his hands on her engorged belly._

_“Good for you, I feel them constantly.” She ribbed, playfully punching Ben in the arm._

_“Ouch, that actually hurt!” He pointed at the ring on her finger, “You need to use your other hand for that.”_

_“If you say so,” Rey lightly punched his arm a few more times with her other hand._

_Ben raised a petulant eyebrow, “You’re lucky I love you.”_

_“Damn right I am.” Rey straddled Ben’s lap and laid a deep kiss on him._

 

Rey awoke dazed and panting. It wasn’t unusual for her to dream about Ben, but tonight her dreams were much more _vivid_. Seeing Kylo again had fueled her imagination, much to Rey’s mortification.

She bolted out of bed, convinced that keeping busy would push thoughts of Ben out of her mind. Rey hurriedly changed into work clothing and rushed down to the hangar bay. Upon arriving there and seeing no one else around she realized she had woken long before the rest of the base. Her eyes dashed around the room looking for something, anything, to do. Finally, she noticed a beat-up Y-wing model that would keep her occupied awhile.

Rey ran her hand along the side of the vessel, grime gathering under her hands as she did so. Dirt never bothered Rey, she saw the potential of what was underneath. Her true calling was as a mechanic, fixing broken things was in her bones, but the Force had different plans. Rey knelt down on the ground and opened up the engine hatch, a puff of dust came out, temporarily obscuring Rey’s vision. She wiped dust off the engine and smiled. The engine was in good shape, but she could make it better. Rey grabbed some tools, and got to work, losing herself in the engine.

“You’re up early?” Despite the jovial chirp of her voice, Rose startled Rey, and she dropped her wrench. Rey turned around, and they both laughed. Rose came over and sat down casually. She clearly hadn’t intended to see anyone, Rose was still in her linen nightshirt, and flowing lounge trousers.

“Yeah, I woke up earlier than expected,” Rey searched for what to tell sweet Rose. “I had a -"   

“Nightmare,” Rose’s face looked grave. “I get them too.”

Rose sat down on the floor next to Rey. They sat silently, the dull hum of the base in their ears. “I dream about my sister,” Rose said, “I see Paige happy and smiling and it feels so real. Then – bombs and… I wake up.”

Rey swallowed, “I’m so sorry Rose.” She placed a comforting hand on Rose’s back, the rough linen fabric not as comfortable as Rey thought from looking at it.

“Paige wouldn’t want me to be sad.” Rose said, “But it’s so hard. She was my guiding light, and she’s gone.”

“She’s not gone,” Rey could feel Rose shake under her grasp, and she tightened her grip on her, “Paige is in you. In your heart, and your memory. You live every day bringing justice to her memory. Rose, you believe in the Resistance more than anyone else, because of Paige. That means something.”

“But we’re losing,” Rose sobbed, “the First Order is too strong.”

“You don’t really mean that,” Rey was shocked, “that isn’t what you believe, Rose. They might have more soldiers and more weapons, but we have each other. We have friendship and courage and love, they can never take that away from us. We can win. We’ll do it for Paige.”

Rose leaned her head on Rey’s shoulder. “You know, Paige had a crush on Poe.”

They both giggled with delight. “Along with every other girl, well stars, everyone else in the Resistance!” Rey quipped, and they broke into laughter again. Then they sat in silence for a moment.

Rose reached out and took Rey’s hand, “So, what were you dreaming about?”

“Um, Kylo.” Rey said, in a small voice, hoping her hesitation would be interpreted as fear and not invention. “I dream about him on Starkiller Base. I thought he killed Finn. I was so upset.”

Rose squeezed her hand, “But you beat him. And Finn’s alive.”

“I’m so afraid,” Rey swallowed, deciding to reveal some truth, “Kylo and I, we share this same power within us. I’m scared that I am capable of the same suffering he has inflicted on thousands.”

Rose was silent for a long while, then she looked a Rey with hopeful eyes, “Isn’t it possible the opposite is true? Kylo could find his way to the light.”

“Shadows are not possible without light,” Rey practically whispered. She’d read that in those ancient Jedi books. Frankly, there was much in the books she disagreed with. The Jedi philosophy about letting go of all attachments seemed naïve to her. The strength of those around her inspired Rey to be better, stronger, and more at peace. “Everything I’ve learned about Kylo has shown me that he has goodness within him. But what could inspire someone to spread such hatred?”

“I don’t know,” Rose said, “But I do know that you are not him. You are bringing light where he has spread darkness. That’s what matters.”

 

**Dathomir, 20 ABY**

Not long after Cheriss spoke with the guard the massive doors creaked open revealing what appeared to be a throne room. This room was massive, easily as large as the entrance hall which functioned as a town square, yet this room had one purpose. On either side of the room were several elegantly dressed Dathomirians. As their heads turned, they wore various expressions of shock and surprise. At the center of the room was an impressive thrown, carved entirely of dark stone, a departure from the typical brilliant aesthetic of the rest of the fortress. Seated in the thrown was a strange looking man. He was massive, probably over seven feet tall. His skin was a grayish pink. He somewhat resembled the other Dathomirians, but did not look as similar to them as they all looked to each other.

The court of Dathomirians were a buzz with chatter at the sight of Ben. The man at the center of the room nonchalantly clapped his hands, and the room was silent.

“So,” the man croaked, “you are the great Ben Solo.” He had mischievous grin, and his bright blue eyes burned with curiosity. Ben felt all the eyes in the room on him.

 “I wouldn’t say I’m great, sir,” Ben spoke as loudly as he could muster, “I’m only 15.” As if illustrating the point, his voice squeaked in the way characteristic of his changing voice. His voice was already deep for his age, but those frustrating squeaks were a continued nuisance.

“Oh, but you will be.” The man spoke with great authority, such that Ben was suddenly sure he was destined for greatness. How quickly hubris can infect your thoughts. Ben blinked a few times to clear his head. “I don’t suppose your escort has told you who I am.”

“Uh, no, sir.” Ben sputtered and his cheeks flushed. If he were ever in this situation with his mother, she would have carefully briefed him on all the important parties present. She wouldn’t dare to be in the company of ignorance.

“What a shame Cheriss did not have the pleasure of extoling my many great virtues. Perhaps it will be a good topic of conversation for the trip _home.”_ He placed an odd emphasis on this word, as if he doubted Ben had a home at all. “I am Baron Snoke, savior of Dathomir. And you Ben Solo, are the key to the redemption of Dathomir.”

“Baron, sir, I understand that I come from an important family,” Ben nearly rolled his eyes, “but I am not anything special.”

Snoke’s menacing grin stretched further, “Not to worry young Ben, you’ll see in time.”

“Why have you brought me here?” Ben said with as much authority as he could muster, drawing on holos of his mother in the Senate.

“So, you could feel the power of Dathomir,” Snoke outstretched an elegant hand, “to see the people you could save.”

Ben’s eyes ran over the crowd, at first glance he hadn’t noticed how tired these people looked. Despite what finery they could muster it was all aged and wearing thin just like the bodies from which the hung. It wasn’t hard to imagine that these people needed saving, but from what? And why him? “I still don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to decide anything today, in fact, I don’t want you to. But should you choose to accept it, eventually there is a place for you as my apprentice. If I can train you, we can work together to bring order and peace to the galaxy. A gift,” Baron Snoke rose and clapped his hands, then a small box floated toward Ben. “to remember this exchange.”

“Thank you.” Ben mumbled as the gift landed in his hands. The box was plain black, and small enough to fit in the palm of Ben’s hand. He was unsure whether to open it in front of Snoke or not. Before he could move to open the gift, Snoke sat.

“You’re free to go.” Snoke dismissed Ben without any fanfare.

Cheriss and Ben walked out of the throne room in silence. His mind raced with interpretations of the meeting. He remembered that in the books he had studied about the history of the Empire there was a mention of Dathomir. Ben made a mental note to look it up again when he got home. The small box in his hand was a point of curiosity, but his instinct was to wait and open it in private.

As they walked out the doors of the fortress, Ben smelled the sweet air, it was invigorating. His blood pumped so hard in his veins he feared his body may not be able to contain it anymore.

“There’s nothing else like it in the whole galaxy.” Cheriss hissed.

“Huh?” Ben breathed.

“Dathomir.” Cheriss said, “The most powerful warriors in the galaxy are honed here. And you will be too.”

Ben sighed, “You seem so certain I’ll take Snoke’s offer?”

“It’s in your blood.” Cheriss smiled, “You are the descendant of greatness.”

Ben was utterly confused by this. Even with Ben’s meager Force sensitivity he could feel the power coming from Snoke, stars, the whole planet drew from the dark side of the Force. He mentally ran through his family line, everyone in his family had worked against the dark side. He had no reason to believe that it was his destiny to restore power to dark forces, not if all these people were counting on his family as evidence of Ben's abilities. 

Yet, Ben was not entirely turned off by the idea of working against what his family had put in place. Perhaps, in their arrogance they were blind to the true potential of the galaxy. The regime his mother helped put in place ensured freedom, but not order. The New Republic was utterly disorganized, and little was accomplished. His mother refused to acknowledge the deep problems of the New Republic. People across the galaxy were suffering. 

Cheriss and Ben were walking back to her ship in relative silence, until suddenly three people jumped out of the trees. They were armed and clad entirely in black armor. Ben was unarmed, so he held his hands up to indicate he was not a threat. The loud scraping of metal drew Ben’s eyes to the side. Cheriss had pulled two long daggers from helms on her thighs and she dug her feet into the ground.

“Ben Solo?” One of the warriors said in a deep gruff voice. Just hearing his name come from this man’s mouth felt threatening.

“What do you want with him?” Cheriss growled. Ben’s palms were sweaty, and his heart was pounding in his ears.

“We want him to die.” The warrior raised his sword and slashed at Cheriss. She blocked his sword just in time, then kicked him in the stomach. She sheathed her free dagger, grabbed the warrior’s hand and twisted it. When he cried out in pain, he released his grip on the sword which Cheriss then grabbed. She chucked the sword toward Ben who grabbed the hilt.

“What do you expect me to do with this?” He shouted. Ben’s hands slipped on the metal as he tried to tighten his grip.

Cheriss elbowed the warrior in the face and unsheathed her other dagger as he fell to the ground, “You’ll figure it out!”

Another warrior rushed Ben. He braced himself and steadied the sword. Ben awkwardly blocked the warrior’s mace and stamped down on his foot causing the warrior to fall. The warrior was on his knees, and Ben punched the hilt of the blade into his forehead, and he fell to the ground.

Cheriss was fighting off the other two warriors, alternately blocking and attacking each of them with her blades. She jumped on the back of one of the warriors and twisted his neck. As he fell to the ground, she leaped off his back. The other warrior came at her from the side and stabbed his blade into her stomach. A crazed smile crossed his face, as he turned the blade then pulled it out. The wound spilled black blood across the ground. Ben came from behind the warrior and slashed his throat. His blood was black as well, and the arterial spray of his jugular covered Cheriss, and she fell to her knees. Ben pushed the last warrior’s body to the ground and knelt to catch Cheriss. He barely knew her but was overcome with anger as he saw the blood continue to drain from her wound.

“I - I'm so sorry.” Ben sputtered.

Cheriss reached up and cradled Ben’s chin in her hand. She croaked, “I’m fine, just get out of here.”

Ben nodded. He wiped the black blood from her face and kissed her forehead. “Goodbye Cheriss.”

When Ben stood, he wasted no time getting back to Cheriss’s ship.

 

Ben took off from Dathomir in Cheriss’s ship and felt a pit in his stomach. Somehow it was his fault that she had died. A person’s life ended because of him. But why?

Ben’s mind raced wondering who the warriors were. They were not outfitted like the Dathomirians he saw in the fortress. So, they must have been intruders of some sort. But why were they after him? Why were so many people suddenly interested in Ben?

Ben was constantly plagued with the burden of being part of a notable family. There had been many people invading his life, prying into his family’s history for as long as he could remember. Yet, not until now had any of them been interested in _him._ Now within a few hours’ time two separate factions were after him.

It dawned on Ben that in the battle he had killed someone. He never imagined he would be capable of such horror. How, when he had never wielded a sword in his life, was he able to overcome these trained warriors? It was undeniable that the energy of Dathomir was intoxicating. He felt possessed, and that phantom is what fought those warriors, not Ben Solo.

As he was cruising on autopilot, Ben reached into his pocket and retrieved the small box given to him by Snoke. Inside the box was a small pendant strung through with leather. The pendant was made with a pale piece of wood and had unfamiliar markings carved into it. As Ben stared at the pendant he was confused. The piece was worthless and didn’t have any special meaning to Ben, so why would Snoke give it to him? He closed the box, unsure what to think of the token.

Ben started to panic as he approached Hosnian Prime, realizing he was in a stolen ship. He changed the coordinates to land on a small uninhabited planet in the Hosnian system. The ship landed in an empty patch of land surrounded by tall trees. Ben checked the cargo hold and noticed a speeder with strong enough shields that he could hop to Hosnian Prime.

He mounted the speeder and engaged the protective shields. The little vehicle was quick, and the jump to Hosnian Prime was fast. The suns were just rising in the capital city, Ben took a deep breath of the morning air. Dawn, before the city was awake and the scent of humanity spread, was the only time Ben liked the capital city. He decided to land just outside the city center and searched for a spot to stash the speeder. There was an abandoned storehouse at the edge of a quiet street. Ben lowered the speeder and headed toward the storehouse neatly parking the speeder. He enabled a pin number to start the speeder, so it couldn’t be stolen, he had a feeling he might need the speeder in the future. Then he started the trek home on foot unsure exactly how long he had been gone.

 

**The _Holdo_ Cruiser, 36 ABY**

 

Breha handed Kylo a heavy Navy-Blue cloak, “Here, the delegation doesn’t know it’s you so, cover yourself with this.”

Kylo was already somewhat in disguise wearing light colored course linens lending more anonymity than his typical black attire. His usual attire served a purpose, it was armor, it was intimidation, without these Kylo felt exposed. When Kylo had looked in the mirror wearing these clothes he saw a ghost of his former self.

“They don’t know it’s me?” Kylo raised an imperious eyebrow. “A little slapdash, don’t you think?”

“Hey smartass, it was hard enough pulling this together at all without them knowing it’s you,” Breha snapped, “If I said I was bringing ‘Kylo Ren’ onto a Resistance ship I’d be sitting in a cell, so quit your bitching.”

“Okay, okay.” Kylo threw the cloak over himself and pulled it close to his face. He’d missed bickering with his little sister. She was grown now, she could hold her own. Breha opened the air lock on the transport, an unassuming vessel she’s procured, and the two exited. Kylo kept his face down, but he could see that there were troops lined up with their feet pointed at attention. _Seriously, she’d arranged a diplomatic envoy for this? Some cover._

Breha snuck closer to Kylo, “Hey, slouch a little or something, you look too much like yourself.”

“Very funny.” Kylo mumbled, but Breha elbowed him in the ribs. He immediately slumped and slowed his pace. No one could mistake this lumbering gait for his own.  

When they finally made it to the med bay, a guard announced their arrival, “The ambassador from Birren to see General Organa.”

“I’d like to be left alone with the ambassador.” Leia croaked. Kylo still hadn’t laid eyes on his mother, but her voice sounded pathetic. He heard boots leave the room, and the door closed. “You too.”

“Are you kidding me?” Breha gawped.

“Yes, Breha, I’ll call you back when we’re ready,” Leia’s voice may have been weak, but her tone carried every ounce of her inherent authority. “I’d like to be alone with my son.”

Kylo removed the cloak and straightened himself to his full height. Leia’s eyes widened at the sight of him, and immediately welled with tears.

“Fine.” Breha grumbled, then exited. The room was silent except for the beeping of medical equipment. Kylo took in his mother’s condition. Any doubt he had that she wasn’t well vanished. Her skin was ghostly, and her frame was almost bony. Dark circles rimmed her eyes, but they still burned with her trademark intensity.

“Funny how you can have so much to say,” Leia’s eyes crinkled, “but no way to say it.”

Kylo took a deep breath in and stepped toward his mother. He took her hand delicately. Leia’s skin crinkled in Kylo’s hand, beneath the fragile barrier Kylo could feel her bones, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me.” A tear ran down Leia’s cheek, “Ben, I could have done so much better for you.”

“You did the best you could.” Kylo felt a lump in his throat, “I realize now that things were not as bad as I was led to believe.”

“But they were bad enough.” Leia coughed. Kylo sat down on the bed beside her. “I think about your childhood all the time. I should have protected you, once I knew what was happening it was already too late.”

Leia paused a moment, “I should have told you about Vader, I think that is when we truly lost you.”

Kylo’s eyes searched her face. “Why did you hide him from me? You always preached that the truth would light the way, but you lied to your own children.”

“I thought our actions were more important than our blood.” Leia looked away from her son in shame, “Now I know I was wrong. I was raised and loved by Breha and Bail Organa, so I thought it didn’t matter that Vader was my birth father. After the fall of the Empire, he was a footnote to me.”

“But not to the galaxy!” Kylo stood and released his mother’s hand. “How could you be so foolish to think that no one would find out?”

Leia shrugged weakly, “You’re right, it was foolish.”

Kylo wasn’t sure he had ever seen his mother display any humility. She really was making amends. He sank back down onto her bed, feeling childish for chiding his mother. Kylo gulped, “I’ve always wondered, was it easy to send me away with Luke? Was I a burden?”

Leia gaped at him, her eyes were wet again, “Stars no! If I had thought I had another choice that kept you with me I would have taken it in an instant.” Leia reached up and touched Kylo’s scar, “You were never a burden. You caused me pain, but I think any mother seeing their child’s mind warped right in front of them would be in agony.”

Kylo reached up and placed a hand on top of Leia’s hand on his cheek. His eyes filled with tears, “I feel trapped. Like fate pulled me into this, and I have no way out.”

Leia silently gasped and her expression filled with shock. “I – I don’t understand.”

“I’ve come too far, it’s too late to turn back now.” Kylo’s tears welled over.

Leia raised her other hand up to her son’s face, cupping both of his cheeks. She looked into his eyes fiercely, “It’s never too late to do what’s in your heart.”

 

Rey was waiting impatiently in a small meeting room for the ambassador. Breha had said the meeting would be short, maybe five minutes. Rey had been waiting in the meeting room for over half an hour and was wondering if it was worth it. She sat aimlessly fidgeting with her lightsaber. Rey built it just a few months after the Battle of Crait, but she was always wondering if there were ways to make improvements on it. This lightsaber still didn’t feel right, everything with Luke’s saber felt so natural, like she didn’t even have to think about her movements.

The door opened swiftly, and Breha entered, followed shortly by the ambassador, clad in a navy cloak that obscured their face. Breha said in an official tone, “The ambassador from Birren.”

As Breha turned to leave the room, Rey detected a faint smile on her lips. This confused Rey, but not more than what occurred next. The figure in front of her removed the cloak revealing Kylo Ren standing in front of her. She had not prepared herself for this, and rage rose within her. With Kylo standing inches from her, Rey felt the conflict rise within her. And stripped of his typical robes, outfitted in linens like he was any other man in the galaxy, he was the Ben Solo from her dreams. Her eyes narrowed, nearly filling with tears, she couldn’t face him, not like this, “No.”

She moved to the door swiftly, but Kylo blocked her way. “Please, wait.” He pleaded with her, his eyes pathetic, “I needed to see you.”

“So, you set up some elaborate plot? A lie?” She crossed her arms indignantly her eyes darting around looking for a way out.

Kylo didn’t budge, “Would you have agreed to see me otherwise?”

“That’s unlikely.” Rey balled her fists at her side.

“Please, sit down.” Kylo looked truly pitiful to her. He had gone to great pains to see her, so against her better judgement Rey sat down in the chair closest to the door. This way he couldn’t block her escape if he sat in the other chair. He didn’t, but he did move away from the door, prowling the room like a caged animal, “Rey, the Force is bringing us together for some reason. As frustrating as that is, I don’t think we should ignore it. There must be something that has to happen, that only we can do. Together.”

Rey inhaled, and glared at Kylo, “I’m not interested in working with you on anything.”

“I’m not the man you think I am, Rey.” She couldn’t help but feel a tingle of excitement every time he said her name. Perhaps her expression betrayed her, because Kylo’s face softened. “I’m trying to make things better.”

Rey avoided his gaze; his hypnotic eyes testing her resolve. She said, “As if the First Order could make things better. If you really wanted peace in the galaxy you would walk away from the First Order.”

“Before the First Order the galaxy was falling apart, there was crime, famine, pestilence.” Kylo moved closer to Rey, leaning over the table, “I’m saving people’s lives.”

“At what cost.” Rey scoffed, “You really believe what you are doing is right.”

Kylo placed a hand on Rey’s and she pulled her hand out from underneath his. His naked skin so foreign, it was hard to hate Kylo without his intimidating black ensemble. Rey wished that things were different, that she could freely take his hand without consequence. Yet, she knew if she surrendered to his touch, she would lose herself. The hand Kylo had placed on top of Rey’s balled into a fist on the table, He rasped “Can’t you feel the pull of the Force on us? Are you so naïve to think that’s a coincidence? I’m trying to do the right thing, Rey.”

“Well, you’re not.” Rey stood, her voice becoming crueler, “You’re on the side of the murderers.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow, “You’re one to talk. Do you think that the _Resistance,”_ He spat the word, “Has not committed its own atrocities? That you are innocent?”

“Its war. Things had to be done.” Rey said with fury. She looked down trying to avoid thinking about the lives she had personally ended.

“You see? Things aren’t as black and white as they seem.” Kylo was smug, “Good and bad are not so easily discernible.”

“Maybe not, but I know what I feel.” Rey said, “And I feel that I can do more good fighting with the Resistance.”

“And I’m better off leading the First Order.” Kylo said, his jaw tightening.

“So, we’re at an impasse.”

“Rey, I’m not asking you to join the First Order.” Kylo gazed at her gently, “I just want you.”

“That’s not going to happen.” Rey said, “You’re a ruthless murderer. You’ve betrayed your family, you killed your own father!”

Rey was shouting now. Kylo shoved the table across the room with a loud crash. He grabbed Rey’s wrists and pinned her against the wall. She stared up at him in fury. He growled, “It always comes back that. You’ll never understand the sacrifices I’ve made. You’ve never had a family.”

Rey struggled under his grasp, grunting and kicking. He didn’t budge, but he loosened his grip on Rey’s hands slightly.

“I could be your family.” Kylo was practically whispering. Rey pondered his eyes, searching for answers. “Does our connection mean nothing to you?”

Before she knew what she was doing, Rey roll up onto the balls of her feet, and placed her lips on Kylo’s, kissing him deeply and ferociously. Kylo released Rey’s hands and reached around her waist pulling up on the small of her back. Rey pulled her lips away from Kylo’s and looked up at him her eyes glistening.

“It means everything to me,” Rey paused, “but I cannot sacrifice my values for something that can never be.”

“So be it.” Kylo threw the cloak over himself and swept out of the room, kicking a chair out of the way as he went. Rey crumbled to the ground and sobbed, feeling more trapped than ever.


End file.
